A Cynic's College Experience
by blue2dolphin2
Summary: Megara Sarkis had plans for this year- to have a normal year. Like last year, with Amnesty fangirl Esmeralda and the King and Queen of naivety themselves, Quasi and Rapunzel. However, this year contains vengeful screwed-over exes, her ex, hot guys, pregnant women, mercenaries, creepy priests and those three chicks who won't stop dragging unconscious guys around...
1. A Day in the Life of Megara Sarkis

There was a shout from outside the lounge.

Megara Sarkis placed her other earbud in her ear. Her friend Esmeralda Mollenhaur buried herself ever further in The History of Racism in America. Currently, they were sitting in their bedroom with two others, in companionable silence.

The shouts got louder.

Meg sighed. Co-ed dorm buildings were so annoying- guys were so loud. And this was the SECOND floor! The girl's floor! The ground floor and first floor were for guys. The two top floors were for girls! How hard was this to understand? She cranked up the volume of her iPod and leant back on the wall. Damn, that was a hard wall.

Still she could hear the shouts coming from the hallway.

Meg ripped her earbuds out and stood up indignantly. "What in the name of Quasimodo is going on out there?"

"Hey!" the said boy protested. Meg ignored him and stomped over to the door, where she opened it.

She could clearly now hear the chants of "PULL!" Pause. "PULL!" Pause… and a small dragging sound. "PULL!"

You get the idea.

Rapunzel ran over to the door, squealing excitedly, "What's pull? Is it some kind of war cry?" she asked, clapping her hands.

Meg rolled her eyes and yanked on a piece of the girl's blonde hair.

"Ow!" Rapunzel yelped. "What was that for?"

"That's pull." Meg deadpanned. Rapunzel scrunched up her face in confusion, but soon got it. "Ohhhhh…."

Meg poked her head out of the doorway. Five figures, plus one lying on the ground, were coming ever closer. Rapunzel ducked down and poked her head out from under Meg's, spying sitcom style.

"What's happening?" Quasimodo Hulce wandered. He knelt on the floor and poked _his _head out from under Rapunzel's.

"Oh for God's sakes!" Meg complained. "Are we in some kind of crappy sitcom or something?"

"PULL!" Pause and a small dragging sound. "PULL!" Pause and a small dragging sound. "PULL!"

"What the heck…?" Esmeralda, as the tallest, still had to stand on her tippy-toes to poke her head out from _over _Meg's.

Meg looked up and down. "God's sakes." she muttered.

"PULL!"

The "PULL!" people had finally reached them. It was a Chinese girl, a white girl with very long and very curly red hair and a dark-skinned girl with white hair, dragging Gaston Charier along the dorm corridor. The red head was pulling him along by a rope that was tied around his waist, and the others were yanking his arms. A nerdy guy with huge glasses and a muscly Chinese boy were walking along after them.

"This isn't very necessary…" the nerdy guy put in. The girls ignored him and kept pulling, but when they saw the four heads poking out sitcom style, they stopped. "Oh, hi." the Chinese girl greeted.

Esmeralda stepped into the doorway. The three others broke their spying. "Explanation." Esmeralda said simply, waving her hand over the current situation.

"Oh, we're teaching Charier a lesson." the Chinese girl said airily. "I'm Fa Mulan, but call me Mulan, and that there is Merida Dunbroch and Kida Nedakh." She indicated the redhead and the dark-skinned white-haired girl respectively. "And the guys are Li Shang, call him Shang, and Milo Thatch."

"OK…" Meg said slowly, turning her attention to the males in the group.

"JUSTICE!" Esmeralda exclaimed, applauding enthusiastically.

"So, is this the first time?" Shang was asking the nerdy guy, Milo.

"Look guys, you don't have to do this." Milo replied.

"But we want to." Kida replied.

"Seriously!" Milo protested. "I don't want to be patronised."

"Would you rather we let you get beat up?" Mulan challenged, hand on her hip.

"And you're so cute!" Meg mocked. The guy shot her an impressively condescending look for some nerd shorter than her.

Esmeralda looked down. "Why did you drag him on the floor? Then he can see up all our skirts." She indicated her purple gypsy skirt.

"First, we're wearing pants." Merida indicated her green sweatpants and white T-shirt. "Secondly, we tied a blindfold."

"Hey, sweethearts." Gaston Charier said suddenly, pushing up his blindfold.

"Damn…" Kida muttered. "I didn't think he'd wake up so fast…"

"Hey, ladies. Mind negotiating with your friends here?" Gaston attempted to muster a charming smile, while staring up at them in a very creepy way.

Meg kicked _the spike heel _of her stiletto boots up his balls. Gaston yelled in pain and winced, tears in his eyes as his face turned red. Quasimodo applauded, Rapunzel looked on in unhealthy excitement. Esmeralda snickered, knelt down and tied the blindfold back on. Merida got a roll of duct tape and wound it round and round the blindfold.

"Will you be able to get that off?" Shang asked.

"Probably not, Shang." Merida shrugged, applying more. Shang didn't seem to care much.

"What's happening?" Kronk asked as he walked along the corridor.

"Nothing!" they shouted, jumping in front of the still-yelling and wincing Gaston.

Kronk nodded and smiled stupidly. "OK…" Suddenly he gasped as the smell of burning and the sound of beeping reached the students. "My spinach puffs!" He dashed off.

"Kronk…" the (very very very) mature student, Yzma, shouted, attempting to chase him. "I told you not to make spinach puffs in the microwave!"

Naveen Maldon and Flynn Rider approached them. "Yeah!" Flynn cheered. "Someone showed that asshole a lesson!" He pointed at the captured Gaston.

"Yeah. Great. Now, as I was saying," Naveen replied. "You just gotta love those curves on that chick- she's so perfectly amazing- I don't even know how to describe her… ohhhh…"

"This isn't your floor." Tiana Rose demanded, glaring at the guys (well, the ones who were standing up). She looked at the shifty group assembled in front of her. "What's going on in here?"

"Nothing!" they shouted, once again simultaneously jumping in front of a now silent Gaston.

Tiana was smarter than Kronk though, and actually peered _round _the wall of students. "Oh. It's Charier." she deadpanned. "I'll let it slide."

Naveen waved to her. She rolled her eyes and walked off.

"By the way." Meg called. "He was talking about your ass." She indicated Naveen.

Tiana scowled furiously, turned around immediately, strode back towards the group and smacked Naveen across the face, then left without another word.

"Damn, better luck next time, man." Flynn snorted, laughing at his unfortunate friend. Said friend was rubbing his face, but smiling.

"Hey, at least she's acknowledging I exist." Naveen reasoned. "Hey, Tiana!" He ran off, calling for her. "Tiana, Tiana, I'm sorry! Tiana!"

"Optimism." Meg sighed. "Oh, what a dangerous thing it is."

"Later, you two." Mulan waved at them, then they continued on their way.

"PULL!" Small dragging sound. "PULL!" Small… you get it.

"Milo, you can always come to me, or any of us guys if this happens again…"

* * *

"HELP!" Flynn Rider was shouting, knocking on the door of Esmeralda and Meg's dorm. "Do any of you know first-aid?"

"DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, I'M CHANGING!" Esmeralda shouted in alarm.

"It was an accident!" a Southern voice protested. "I didn't mean to!"

Esmeralda finished changing, and gave Meg the OK to open the door. Meg opened it. Standing in her doorway was Flynn propping up an out-of-it Naveen while holding a bloody cloth to his head, with an apologetic Tiana in their wake.

"What did you do?" Meg demanded of the Louisianan.

"Well, he wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to take desperate measures…" Tiana trailed off miserably, looking suitably embarrassed. "I smacked him and he bumped his head into the corner… but I guess I did smack him…"

"Tut tut tut." Meg mocked. "Not appropriate behaviour for a hall… person. Anyway, you have authority, and should not act like this."

"That was lame." Esme commented. "What happened to your snark?"

"Do you have an ice-pack?" Flynn asked in alarm.

"No." Meg answered.

"Actually, I have a first aid kit." Esme produced the said kit from under her bed.

"OK… does it have an ice-pack?" Flynn pressed on.

"Um, yeeeaahhh…I have a Make-Your-Own ice pack." Esmeralda pulled out a gold and hot-pink striped sock and a small freezer box.

"Why do you randomly have a freezer box?" Flynn looked confused.

"More importantly." Tiana placed her hand on her hip. "Why would you put it in a sock?"

"It's a clean sock!" Esmeralda defended.

"STILL!"

"Never mind." Meg huffed as her friend placed the ice-sock on Naveen's head. "I'm surrounded by crazy people…"

Flynn dragged him into the room and lay his friend on Meg's bed. "Hey! I just changed my sheets.. and you've got blood all over them… TIANA ROSE, YOU OWE ME A NEW SET OF SHEETS! GET THE FITTED KIND!"

"Sugar, I don' have money!"

"He'll pay." Flynn pointed to his friend. Naveen nodded sleepily, not registering the fact that he was paying someone.

"Come on!" Esmeralda protested. "That's not fair… he's totally out of it."

Flynn scoffed before she could cry 'JUSTICE!'. "A deal is a deal. And he's rich enough."

"But-!" Esmeralda indicated the passed-out man on Meg's bed. "Just…look-!"

"Mmmph." Naveen muttered. "Tianaaaa… baby… love… curves…ass… racial diversity…"

* * *

A tanned, dark-haired man was running around the hallways, screaming blue bloody murder as a slim Greek girl with a huge brown curly ponytail chased him, whipping him with a sheet. People poked their heads out of doors, wondering what the noise was.

A certain Esmeralda Mollenhaur walked out of the shower, dressed in pyjamas. "What's happening…?" she wondered, staring in awe at the students crowded around.

Just then she saw two figures approach, one chasing the other. "Oh no." she groaned, seeing who it was.

"WOMAN! I ALREADY [BEEPING] BROUGHT YOU [BEEPING] SHEETS!"

"BUT THEY AREN'T THE FITTED KIND, YOU IDIOT!"


	2. Cooking Courses and General Chaos

**(AN: Last chapter I realised I referred to Kronk as both a student and ****'****Mr Kronk****'****. If anyone else is nitpickety enough (like me) to notice that and got confused, than I****'****m sorry. He****'****s a student but I originally made him a teacher and messed up on editing. OK, enough from me, let****'****s continue with the story!)**

"Tiana's running a cookery course." Rapunzel commented to Meg and Esmeralda as they looked at the pinboard.

Meg sneered. "What-ever. We have food here anyway." The college was so small that all the students could live in the Halls of Residence for their whole degree. Meg wasn't worried.

"Well, someone's living on ramen for the rest of their life." Esmeralda commented.

"What's ramen?" Rapunzel asked.

"Noodles in sauce."

"What's noodles?"

"Like… Oriental pasta!"

"What's Oriental?"

"Like… China, or Vietnam, or Japan. In Asia."

"What's Asia?"

"A continent."

Meg laughed at the vicious cycle her best friend was stuck in. "Do you want me to put down your name?"

"Sure." Esmeralda answered. "And yours too… MEG, PUT IT DOWN!"

Meg pouted and obliged. The two girls laughed and made their way to class.

"But what's a continent?" Rapunzel wailed desperately after them.

* * *

The turnout for Tiana's cookery course was bigger than Meg expected. She and Esmeralda of course paired up, but they spotted Naveen there too.

"Don't you have your own private chef for life or something?" Meg asked, eyebrows raised and hands on her hips.

"Um… yeah…" Naveen stuttered, looking at the floor.

"Ha!" Esmeralda cackled. "Megara, you idiot, have you forgotten who's running this whole shebang?"

Meg crinkled her forehead in concentration- she genuinely could not remember. Then her brow cleared. "Oh! Tiana! It's Tiana!"

Her friend rolled her eyes. "Yeah!"

Tiana walked into the room and started giving instructions. Meg didn't listen and let her now-very-annoyed friend do the work.

"Tiana!" Naveen called. Tiana gritted her teeth and stormed over to where Naveen was.

"What?" she demanded.

"I'm not sure how to turn the vegetables over!"

"Fine!" Tiana placed her hand on this arm, and made his arm do the correct motion. Naveen was too busy being absolutely giddy to actually absorb anything. "Do you get it?"

"Um… no. Can you show me again?"

This went on for a few more minutes, after which Meg and Esmeralda literally were falling over with laughter, almost setting fire to Meg's hair, because they were being so stupid. Tiana looked over at the hysterical Meg and Esmeralda. "I'm going to kill him." she muttered.

"That's not good." Esmeralda deadpanned.

"Ya don't say." Meg replied.

* * *

Esmeralda and Meg were walking around the dorm block (weird thing they did), when a male shout came from the boy's showers. "WHAT THE HELL? THERE ARE VEG BITS ALL OVER THIS SHOWER!"

"Was Naveen using that shower?" Esmeralda wondered. "I swear I saw him go in there."

"I think so…" her best friend replied as they started to head back up to the girl's floor.

Just then, Tiana walked past, looking suitably ashamed for her crimes.

"TIANA ROSE!" Esmeralda screamed.

"No, no, no!" Meg whimpered under her breath, yanking at her friend's white blouse. "Es, don't… this is not good…"

"TIANA ROSE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU CANNOT SLAP A GUY AND THEN TIP VEGETABLES ON HIM IN THE SAME WEEK!" Esmeralda bellowed. "He's not actually that bad!" the angry gypsy continued, tugging at Tiana's arm. "JUSTICE!"

"What's happening?" a strawberry- blonde girl in a blue miniskirt and white tank stuck her head out of the nearest room. "Jesus, Es- ESMERALDA! Stop! Is this any way for a future Amnesty employee to solve disputes?"

Esmeralda pouted and dropped Tiana's arm, who sighed in relief and walked off, muttering something about needing to get to work. "Sorry, Cindy." Esmeralda apologised. "It's true, I know."

"Yes, very true, OK? OK?"

"Cindy…!" came a whiny voice from inside.

"Ugh, sorry, he's so needy!" Cindy scoffed. "TTYL, girls."

"Who was that?" Meg asked.

"Cinderella Tremaine." Esme promptly answered.

"You know everyone. And shouldn't you apologise to Tiana?" Meg queried.

"What's fair is fair." Esmeralda sulked. "Why should I apologise- she needs to stop using violence as a solution to things… I should book her in with Mama Odie!" The gypsy brandished a pen. "Ah-ha! I'll write a note."

"No, no, no… not the counsellor… she really won't like that." Meg whined, yanking on her friend's arm (again).

Esmeralda yanked her across the campus, dragging the protesting Greek along with her. "Move, move, move…" Esmeralda ordered. Meg was pretty sure her shoulder was going to dislocate.

"Mmmph…" Meg complained. She spotted Kida walking along. "Kida! KIDA! KIIIIIIIDAAAAAA! HEEEEEELLLLLLP!"

"Oh stop being so melodramatic." the white-haired girl scoffed. "That's nothing, have you tried resisting Merida when she wants you to go somewhere with her?" She winced and rubbed her shoulder at what Meg assumed to be the memories.

"AAAAAAAAAAHH!" Meg shrieked, then shut up when they reached the office. Esmeralda pulled a notebook out of her bag and wrote a quick note, and placed it through the letterbox of the counsellor's office.

On the way back, they heard were SHOUTS coming_ from_ the lounge.

DEAR GOD!

Meg opened the door to find two people screaming at each other.

"AND YOU NEVER KISS ME, OR PAY ATTENTION TO ME, OR DO ANYTHING ROMANTIC!"

"I HAVE WORK! I ACTUALLY WANT TO PASS COLLEGE, Y'KNOW?"

"YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH, YOU DON'T EVEN WORK!"

"SCHOOLWORK, YOU STUPID WOMAN!"

"THE [BEEP] YOU JUST SAY TO ME! TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK, DAMN YOU!"

"OH COME ON, TOTAL OVERREACTION! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"YOU! YOU ARE EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG WITH ME!"

"ALL RIGHT QUIET!" several people, who had joined Meg and Esmeralda in listening, shouted. Meg looked around her, not realising that other people had joined.

"Oh no…" Cinderella, the girl from earlier, groaned. "Now I have to take care of her…" She trailed off as the woman from the fighting couple stormed off. "Uggghhh… she'll be crying for a week, and Henry'll be pissed because I can't spend time with him!"

"Wait, I thought he was called Charming?" Esmeralda questioned. Meg rolled her eyes; why must her friend know everyone? Who the hell was Charming?

"He's called Henry." Cinderella explained, wrinkling her nose. "Although I'm not sure why, because he's really not."

"BUT AURORA, I LOVE YOU!"

"SAVE IT, ASSHOLE!" the blonde girl who had been fighting with her boyfriend ran off in tears, with the guy running after him.

"Oh my god…" a brunette in a green button-down and jeans, who Meg recognised as Belle Rosiére (the one who practically lived in the library), complained. "Like Cindy said, now she'll be crying for a week! They need to break up already?"

"Who, Aurora and Philip?" an Arabian girl in a pair of black leggings and purple sweater, who Meg thought was Jasmine Sultan, commented. "Oh, [beep] yeah! It's a good thing that Aladdin and I have such a good relationship. He's so amazing…"

"That's why he got done for robbery at the K-mart then…" Belle mumbled.

"Whatever!" Jasmine waved her hand to dismiss the French girl. "We're missing the real point. They. Need. To break. Up."

"You guys!" a ginger in a denim shorts, skin-tone tights and a blue shirt with little flowers, Giselle Adams (this was definitely Giselle, the naive one from her Chemistry 101 class), huffed. She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "There's a reason why she can't."

"What?" Esmeralda asked. "What is it?" Everyone leaned in close; it appeared that the other girls didn't know either.

Giselle made a curve over her stomach.

"Oh." Esmeralda intoned. "That's-"

"AURORA'S PREGNANT?" Meg shrieked.

Everyone looked round in surprise, gasps and murmurs rising from the crowd at this revelation.

"Oh shit." she muttered. "That was not supposed to happen- no news here, people!" she yelped.

* * *

"Uh-oh." Esmeralda sing-songed. "Look what happened…"

"I'M GOING TO KILL LOTTIE!" Meg screamed, staring at the gossip column, which was pinned to the girls' hallway corkboard.

"Well, it was your fault she got the info." Ariel put in, appearing next to them.

"SHUT UP!" Meg retorted. "You, Ariel, are all I need right now!"

"Oh, thank you." Ariel smiled. Meg shot her a withering look.

"How dare you!" Cinderella bellowed, striding up. Despite her very tight white jeans, she was fast and efficient. The Greek shrank back at the angry look on Cindy's face. "What was the point of that? She's been screaming into her pillow for an hour…"

"Well, I'm sorry but that was an innocent mistaaahhhhhh…" Meg screamed as Cinderella grabbed her ear and dragged her off.

"You, young lady, are coming to apologise to my friend!" Cinderella firmly ordered. "I don't care whether you want to or not! Move it! Struggling is pointless."

"ESMERAAAAALLLLDAAAAAAA!" Meg bellowed as she was dragged further and further away from the noticeboard.

"So melodramatic." Kida shook her head as she approached Esmeralda.

"God yeah." the gypsy agreed.

* * *

Megara Sarkis was not enjoying herself. Cinderella had captured her and dragged her off to the room she shared with Aurora. When Aurora caught sight of the shifty brunette, she jumped off her bed. "YOU'RE SO DEAD!" Aurora yelled, waving her hands about wildly.

"I'm sorry." Meg squeaked, and made to leave.

Cinderella grabbed her ear.

"Ow ow ow ow." Meg moaned.

"Ah ah ah." Cinderella made an annoying tsking sound. "You shall apologise properly, and when Aurora feels that your apology has been sufficient, she'll give me the word and I'll let you out." She brandished a key and proceeded to leave, locking Meg alone in a room with an angry pregnant woman.

Well, this was a fine start to a Saturday.


	3. Stranger Danger

**To megara2001- Thanks for reviewing and, yes, he's coming this chapter.**

However many hours later...

"OH SHIT!" Meg screamed as she woke up to a light-ginger haired boy bending over her. "Who are you- stranger danger, stranger danger, please tell me I haven't been raped!"

"Nothing happened." the guy huffed. "I'm not that sort of dude, OK?"

Meg kicked off her covers and saw that she was still wearing her black jeans and lavender shirt. She checked herself in the guy's mirror and saw that her brown ponytail was pretty tidy. Sighing in relief, she swung herself off the bed and stood up. "What time is it?" she asked.

"3.30." the boy answered. "You've been out cold for _hours."_

"You're serious?" Meg asked. "How the [beep] was I knocked out?"

"A very angry Aurora Thornwood knocked you out with… something… it was in her room, so I don't even know. Anyway, she threw you out into the guy's hallway. I saw that perv Nessus coming, so I decided to do something about your plight and take you here. Now that you're awake, can you help me wash these sheets? Florian will kill me."

Meg stared at him incredulously. "Is this another guy's bed?"

"Yeah…" the boy trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Damn right he better be unsure.

"Has he… I dunno, had sex in it and not cleaned the sheets or something like that? Because if so, that's disgusting and I need to get to the showers."

"Nah, Florian is a total OCD dude. It's extremely annoying, and that's why you need to help me wash his- oh shit."

"What the hell is this chick doing in my room?" an aristocratic guy with black hair stared at Meg as he entered his dorm. He caught sight of his bed. "Herc, what the heck? You let her sleep in my BED?" All the colour drained from his (already pale) face as he put two and two together. "Don't tell me you…"

"No, Florian." the guy answered patiently. "She got knocked out and I decided not to leave her in our hallway, so I dragged her in here. Zero kinky things happened."

"Fine." the guy pouted. "But why couldn't you have put her on your bed?"

"I was lying on it, and you weren't even here!"

"That reminds me-" The guy turned to me. "What's your name?"

"Megara Sarkis."

"Hercules Strongman."

"What the heck kinda name is Hercules? You Greek too?" Meg questioned sardonically.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am." Hercules answered.

"Ohhhh…" Meg trailed off. "Well, thanks for the shelter, Hercules, I'm gonna go re-apologise to Aurora for telling everyone her news and-"

Florian cut her off. "Don't do that. She's still fuming. Now, can you help wash my sheets? I don't know what you could've put on them!"

"I take a shower EVERY DAY!" Meg defended. "Jeez!"

"I never know." Florian retorted. "It's always best to be careful about it."

"How does Snow put up with you?" Meg groaned. She knew about him and Snow; the freshman was the better half of one of the most PDA-happy couples in the whole school- everyone knew them.

"Have you seen her?" Florian demanded. "She's a neat-FREAK!"'

"Says you." Meg grunted.

"Well, she is. She once went around the whole girls dorms and cleaned out the unlocked ones." Florian commented.

Meg's hands flew up to her mouth in shock and realisation. "GOD!" she yelped. "That's why my wardrobe was really neat last month! I'd kill her if she wasn't a hopeless freshman!"

"Come on, she was trying to help!" Florian reasoned.

"That's what she said!" Meg shouted. "You two _are _a really good couple…"

* * *

"MEG!" Esmeralda squealed, tackling her friend in a hug as Meg _finally _got back from helping Hercules wash Florian's sheets. She squeezed Meg ever harder and then let go. "WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? I WAS SO WORRIED- AND I WASTED A WHOLE SATURDAY LOOKING FOR YOUR ABSENT, IRRESPONSIBLE ASS!" the now-angry gypsy bellowed.

"Well, after Cinderella caught me and _you _refused to save me…" Meg glared at the scowling woman in front of her. "… she locked me in a room with a hormonal Aurora, who apparently knocked me out- the memories are just coming back- I think it was her laptop or something- and our pregnant princess put me in the guy's hallway. So this guy called Hercules took me to his room-"

"I thought you didn't do men."

"Nothing happened!" Meg cut across the now-smirking gypsy. "My hair was not messy and nothing ached. And my clothes were unwrinkled. So ha. And he only took me in there because apparently this creep Nessus or something or other was approaching."

"Well, now you two will get together." Esmeralda stated, smirking. "That's a great rom-com start. Ohhhh yes! This is fantastic!"

Meg socked her friend in the arm. "You know I don't date; you said it yourself."

"Who's dating who?" Rapunzel asked. Meg huffed; why must Rapunzel always show up at the most annoying moments?

"Meg met a guy." Esmeralda recounted, smiling.

"Date him! Date him!" Rapunzel squealed.

"Just because Esmeralda is happy in a relationship does not mean I need one." Meg replied with what (she thought) was great dignity. She then walked off.

Straight into _Aurora._

_Oh shit._

* * *

"Is this true?" Cinderella scolded her pregnant friend.

Aurora nodded, pouting sheepishly. "Yeah. I was a little mad."

"Sweetie, sweetie, I understand." Cinderella patted Aurora's shoulder. "But that is not a healthy way to deal with your anger…"

Meg rubbed her arm. She had just been dragged to Aurora and Cindy's room, screaming the whole way- Kida STILL refused to help her, citing the reason of 'you're being melodramatic'. The Greek beauty reflected on the past few days; she'd been dragged round a LOT recently.

Her ears and arms twinged at the memories.

"Now, Meg." Cinderella turned to the only brunette in the room. "It is really not a nice thing to do to reveal such a private moment in public, to everyone. Everyone knows now and it is not helping Aurora's emotional state- she's already going through a lot."

"Well, I was just so shocked that I blurted it out." Meg replied. She turned to Aurora and apologised. "Aurora, I am deeply sorry for revealing such a private secret. In recompense I will do anything to help you through this difficult-"

She was cut off by Aurora flinging her arms around her. "I'M SO SORRY!" the blonde wept. "WHY WAS I SO MEAN! CINDY SAYS I KNOCKED YOU OUT AND YOU STILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED! I FEEL SO BAAAAAAAAD!"

"OK, you two have made up." Cindy commented, looking at her nails.

"Yeah… seems like it." Meg responded, trying to wriggle free of the girl's boa-constrictor-like hold.

"I apologise." Aurora finished, regaining her dignity. "I'm just a bit out of my element right now and you didn't really help, but hitting you with my file was not necessary."

"A file…!" Meg snapped her fingers. "Yeah, I think you yelled a bit and hit me with something- now I know what it was! It's still kinda blurry…"

Aurora buried her face in one dainty hand. "I can't believe myself…" she hiccuped. Cindy patted her back.

"Ooook, I'm gonna go." Meg snuck out of the room and back to her own one.

Where a smug Esmeralda and Rapunzel, along with a confused Hercules, were waiting for her.

And he was holding _flowers._

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Meg screamed, running out of the room, yelling this back at her two friends: "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!"

As the brunette ran like crazy through the hallway, she bumped into Quasi. "Megara!" he greeted the panting Meg. He was the only one who ever called her that, just like how he always called Esmeralda 'Esmeralda' instead of Es or Esme, like everyone else. "What's up with you?"

"Must… escape… Hercules." she breathed, bending over and resting her hands on her thighs.

"Why?" a voice questioned.

Meg turned around to see… guess who, Hercules of all people.

"By the way, that wasn't my idea." Hercules said. "Rapunzel and Es captured me and forced me to wait here until you came back. " He scratched the back of his neck, looking adorably nervous. "But, if you want to…"

"I'm gonna go." Quasi said quickly, leaving. "This is awkward."

"Yeah…no. Sorry about my friends." she answered quickly. "They think that just because you rescued me from the guys hallway, you're my instant romantic interest or something."

Hercules forced a laugh. "Haha, yeah. That's…silly. Ah, well, see you around." He promptly went off.

Meg stood there for a second and started sprinting back to her dorm, where Ariel and Esmeralda were still standing.

"Oh." Rapunzel commented. "That was a short date."

"There was no date." Meg huffed. "And you two are so [beeping] dead, you [beeping] bitches."

"Oh come on!" Esmeralda whined. "It was just… a test. That failed."

"But." Rapunzel winked. "In college, you have to retake your failed tests, don't you…?"

Esmeralda smirked. "Of course."

Meg slapped her forehead.


	4. An Arendelle Problem

"And I'm just so worried all the time-" Esmeralda was cut off by a barrage of noise. Yep, you guessed it, there were more SHOUTS coming from outside the lounge. Meg turned to Esme and focused ever harder on her worries over Phoebus and his was why relationships sucked ass sometimes.

"PULL!" Small dragging sound. "PULL!" Small dragging sound.

Meg slammed her laptop and flung open the door. Sure enough, Mulan, Merida and Kida were dragging someone along the floor. There was also a strawberry…brunette girl with them, who was sobbing into Cinderella's arms.

"You know, you guys could lift this one." Meg stated, as they came to a halt and she saw that the person they were dragging was a lot smaller than Charier. Esmeralda immediately fell over herself to help comfort the strawberry-brunette and lead her to a sofa.

"Of course we could lift him." Merida said. "But it's more fun this way."

"Are you wearing those stiletto boots?" Mulan queried.

Meg smirked. "Yep."

"K… can you-" Kida awkwardly gestured at the person's lower section.

Meg gasped as she saw who she was. "That's Hans! Holy shit, that's Hans! I'm sooooo kicking him in the balls! I would have done it anyway! I've… done it before!"

"They used to date." Esmeralda put in. "He totally screwed her over."

The strawberry-brunette started sobbing harder. "And me! And me too!" She gasped. "You know, he was going to steal the Arendelle fortune by getting to my sister… I heard that he was going to frame her for some crime just so that he could marry me and have my fortune…!"

Meg prepared mentally and then kicked Hans in the balls. Hard. She was pretty proud He yelled and winced in pain, swearing at her. Merida, Mulan, and Kida fell about laughing, and even the strawberry-brunette giggled slightly.

"So? How did you find out about this?" Meg asked.

"Oh, she was crying like mad and we dragged it out of her. Then we went to find Cindy, and then we palmed her off on Cindy. They found out that we were going to get him, so they came along. Then we found Hans, and…" Mulan gesticulated at the screaming man on the floor.

"This happened." Kida finished.

Meanwhile, they could still hear racking sobs. "He was just using me… he was so kind as well… and I just FELL for it… and I don't know what to do-oo-ooo…! I am such a codependent MESS- you guys have to help meeeeee!"

Mulan smirked and turned to the Greek girl. "Wanna come see what we do to teach these asses a lesson?"

"Very happy to. Cindy, Esmeralda,… strawberry brunette?"

"The name's Anna." the strawberry-brunette sniffed. "And yes… I-I need to see this."

"Yep. I'm coming." Esmeralda jumped up. "JUSTICE, am I right?"

"Hell yeah." Anna mumbled weakly, dissolving into more tears.

"Can I come?" asked Quasi. "I want to see this."

"I'm coming." grunted a random guy who no-one had ever heard of. At least that's what Meg thought-

"Oh, hi Adam." Esmeralda greeted.

"Do you know everyone?" Meg asked incredulously.

"Most." the gypsy answered off-handedly. Then she turned to the guy. "Looking for Belle? 'Cause otherwise why are you on our floor?"

"Yeah. We're supposed to be going on a date, but I think she'd want to see this." the guy replied. He called out to Mulan, Merida and Kida. "Can we pick Belle up?"

"Sure! The more who see this the better!" Merida yelled. "That's the whole point! Kida wants to pick up Milo, and Mulan's picking up Shang!"

"Yeah. We're using the pole in the courtyard!" Kida finished.

* * *

That evening, an assortment of fifty students had gathered to see Hans Southern lifted onto a pole. Many stopped by after the rumour was sufficiently huge, and it was only after a few hours that a staff member came downstairs to take him off. However, the bitter Ms. Gothel, after hearing why he was on the pole in the first place, let the three off with no punishment. She had man issues… anyhow, one more thing that happened was that Belle and Adam were very late for their date. But they agreed it was worth it.

* * *

"HUGE PROBLEM!" Anna squealed, running into the lounge. "Giant, great, big, massive, huge problem."

Meg put down her magazine and sighed, rolling her eyes. The lounge, usually only occupied by Esmeralda, Quasi, Rapunzel and herself, was now constantly full of Anna as well. Who was very nice. But way too… loud. And squeal-happy. "WHAT?" she asked.

"My sister's run away!" Anna screamed. "Hans managed to frame Elsa anyway, and now she's run away!"

"For what?" Esmeralda asked.

"Attempted murder!" Anna cried. "So, I was hoping you guys could help me."

"Wait." Rapunzel stood up, looking confused. "I thought you don't speak to your sister!"

"We do. Just… little and often." Anna answered. "But now she's run away and I'd be a terrible sister if I didn't get her baaaaack!" she whined. "And we have to prove her innocennnnncccce!"

"I know some lawyers." Meg put in off-handedly. "Thank Hans."

"Just how badly did he screw you over?" Anna questioned.

"He was in debt and tried to sell me to a pimp by the street name of Hades. I had to call quite a lot of assorted lawyers to get out of that- I think Hades is in prison now. But HANS walked free. So… yeah." Meg finished lamely.

"What's a pimp?" Rapunzel questioned.

"Yeah, what is it?" Quasi wondered.

"Never mind!" Meg huffed. "Anyhow… back to the matter at hand. Finding Elsa and getting her off the hook."

"Well?" Anna pleaded. "Will you guys help me?"

"Definitely!" Esme shouted. "JUSTICE!"

"I wanna come!" Rapunzel said hopefully.

"Come then." Esmeralda smiled. "Quasi, you wanna join?"

"Sure." Quasi smiled.

"MEG?" they all turned to look at her. She knew she had no choice…

"Fine."

Meg already knew how much she was going to regret this.

* * *

"So, what's the plan?" Meg demanded, as they all sat in the lounge, trying to work something out. Meg had never seen the lounge so full- most people preferred to hang out in their rooms- but now it contained Milo, Kida, Cinderella, Shang, Mulan, Merida, Anna, Esmeralda, Quasi, Rapunzel, and Megara herself.

Milo and Shang were only there because they were in some of Anna's classes and felt sort of obligated, Cindy was there as she was bored of her clingy boyfriend and wanted to escape him for a bit (her words), Mulan, Kida and Merida because those three could never miss an adventure, Anna because… well, it's obvious, Esmeralda because she wanted to stand up for 'JUSTICE!', Quasi and Rapunzel because they were basically naive comic relief. And Meg?

Meg was there because they had basically forced her.

"Um…" Anna trailed off.

The group continued like this for a few minutes, tutting and um-ing and aah-ing at their complete lack of ideas.

"Well, I know this one guy… Mr Weselton or something…?" Esmeralda suggested.

"He's slime." Anna stated. "And he's crazy. Trust me, I would know."

"How?" Mulan questioned.

"I called him already." Anna answered.

"Um, we could call Jim Cricket. That's who I called with the whole… Hans thing." Meg suggested.

"Why didn't you suggest tha' before?" Merida demanded.

"Eh, it just popped into my head now. Beware, he's a wiseass, but he's damn smart and could probably get Elsa out of this mess."

"Hey, Anna!" Hercules called. "Have you told Elsa about our plan…?"

Anna's eyes widened in realisation, which Meg took to mean that she hadn't. "[beep]'s sake." she murmured.

Meg applauded sarcastically.

"Well." Cinderella, ever the practical one, spoke up. "We need to find Elsa, because we can't make a case for her without her actually being here… so before we call the damn lawyer we need to find her."

"Oh yeah…yeah! Let's go find her!" Anna cheered. "I know of many places in which she could be."

"I thought you two were estranged or something." Kida put in.

"We're not estranged! She loves me really!" Anna defended hotly. "Anyway, we need to… get on the road, and find my sister!" The girl stood up, but no-one followed her.

"Calling her might be a good idea!" Meg suggested.

"Sure. You do it, I'm scared." Anna said shortly.

Meg placed her hands on her hips and turned to glare at the shifty girl. "Are you for real? Give me your phone?"

"Ooooh… can we please just use yours?" Anna pleaded.

Meg snorted. "[beep] no. I've used all my contract this month. Not all of us have a family fortune, so I'm cheap and broke."

"So broke that she found the money to buy two shirts, a necklace and a dozen shots this week…" Esmeralda sighed out loud. The room laughed slightly, until Meg shot them a very scary smile. Needless to say, they shut up.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Fine." She handed Meg her iPhone. Meg tried not to wince too obviously at the sickeningly cutesy bunny on the case. Meg found Elsa's number and dialled.

"Hello there?" a tentative voice asked.

"Hi. My name is Megara Sarkis, calling on behalf of Miss Anna Arendelle." she greeted in an official voice.

"My sister?"

"Yeah, where are you?"

"Oh no, you shouldn't come! Please don't! I'll just stay in my hideaway until this all blows over!"

"But where are you, Anna's really worried! You got framed- we're trying to get you out of this!" Meg was now really exasperated. "You're innocent, so why are you hiding?"

Elsa's voice grew worried. "But the thing is, I'm not sure if I did it or not… I just- I can't remember a thing. But I might have, so don't bother finding me. I'm not sure if I'm innocent."

And with that, Elsa Arendelle hung up.

This just got a whole lot harder.


	5. Hitchhiking

"So, she says she's not sure if she did it or not." Meg reported.

"Are you sure?" Anna asked anxiously.

"YES!" Meg yelled. "I heard her, and I wouldn't lie about something so important, just to say!"

"Let's go find her!" Anna jumped up. "Wait… whose cars should we take? I have one, but it's got only four seats…"

"Nope. No car." Meg muttered.

The group asked around.

Milo, Cinderella and Mulan both couldn't afford a car yet, Kida flat out couldn't drive, Merida just had a motorcycle, Shang's car was at the repair shop, Esmeralda believed in spending money on the less fortunate (not that there was anything wrong with that) and there was no way Quasi and Rapunzel were ever going to be let near a steering wheel in the near future. So they only had one tiny car and a motorcycle actually available.

"Well, clearly this isn't going to work." Mulan rubbed her temples.

"Wait…" Esmeralda raised a finger. "I know someone who has a truck… like a real big truck." She pulled out her purple Sony Xperia and pressed a few buttons. "Hey, Hercules, get over here. We need to borrow your truck."

Meg facepalmed as Rapunzel grinned and Esmeralda flashed her a thumbs-up.

* * *

"AAAAAHH!" everyone screamed as Anna swerved to overtake a small grey Renault.

"Why did we let you drive?" Milo groaned, his head buried in his pale hands

"DRIVE PROPERLY WOMAN!" Cinderella yelled as the truck yet again swung round, almost crashing into a set of metal barriers.

"If you wreck this, I'm sending you the bill." Hercules mentioned from the back.

"What a gentleman." Meg mocked.

"That I am." the strawberry-blond boys countered. "Who saved you from the guy's hallway?"

"Get over it." Meg muttered.

Esmeralda nudged Rapunzel, winking suggestively. Meg shot them a glare from the front seat. Currently, she was at the front, sat next to Cinderella, who was chief navigator, and Anna, who was driving (not very well, either). There were three rows of 'backseats' (i.e. random seats taped to the storage area in the trunk) Esmeralda, Rapunzel and Quasi, Merida, Mulan and Shang, then Kida, Hercules and Milo.

"How do you use this?" Cinderella questioned exasperatedly, punching at the GPS console.

Meg looked over and scowled in annoyance. "It's dead, for God's sakes."

Cinderella reddened. "Well, I'm not a very technological person."

"How do you not realise that when the battery icon comes up with nothing in it- AAAAAH!" Meg cut herself short by shrieking as the truck almost plunged into the hard shoulder, where a Ford Focus was parked.

"DRIVE PROPERLY!" everyone screamed.

"Let me guess, your daddy bought you the license!" Meg mocked furiously as they almost bashed into the bottom of a sign.

"I passed this all on my own!" Anna shouted as she launched a fierce overtaking campaign against the other cars. "I just haven't- DRIVEN in a while!"

"Ya don't say." Esmeralda muttered.

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

* * *

"Still can't believe that the first stop is two hours away!" Meg complained.

"It's the weekend!" an incensed Anna screamed as she did a dangerous U-turn into a smaller road, which was totally deserted and had only one lane. Country roads. Great. Especially when you took Anna's manic driving into account.

"Yes, and a waste of one too!" Meg retorted.

"Oh shut up…"

"SHIT!" everyone screamed, as the truck rolled to a stop and started hissing. An alarm went off.

"That's it, everyone out." Hercules sighed. "I bet it's broken again… it's not the most reliable thing around here."

"Ya coulda told us 'bout that!" Merida snapped.

Hercules shot the Scottish girl a glare and opened the bonnet of the truck, looking inside.

"Hey, Me- Mulan!" he called. "Can you get my toolbox out the back?"

"Fixes cars, saves women- what a wonder." Meg commented. "I think I'll call you Wonderboy."

He shrugged. "Fine by me, Meg. Mulan- toolbox?"

"There isn't a toolbox here!" the Chinese girl responded, furrowing her brow.

"What? But I always keep a toolbox… no." the Greek boy groaned. "No… I don't believe it… out of all the times this could've happened and it's NOW? …I lent it to Kronk yesterday and I don't think I asked for it back yet. I'll call the shop!"

Hercules did so, but they were closed. On a Saturday. That was fantastic.

"So, we're stuffed." Milo huffed.

"But we're not dead!" Rapunzel put in. "And we're most certainly not going to that weird display place."

Everyone ignored her.

A blond guy stuck his head out of another truck. "Hey, could you guys get out the way? Some of us like getting places too."

"Sorry, dude!" Hercules shouted back. "It's totally stuffed- you got a toolbox? I'm a pro at fixing this shit, but I lent my toolbox to someone else and haven't got it back."

"No, but I could help you move it. I've got some ropes in the back!" the guy suggested. "Can anyone tie a knot?"

* * *

Milo was pale and shaking. "This is such a bad idea." he whined. "Why did I agree to help Anna again?"

"We're all wondering the same thing." Meg replied.

"HEY!" Anna protested as the truck inched forward, being pulled by the blond guy's truck. There were ropes tied around two metal protrusions at the front of their own truck, which was probably breaking every health and safety law in existence, but… never mind.

Finally, after what felt like years of being inched forwards, which caused the truck to lurch drunkenly around, the truck was finally stopped in a small bay.

"Well, guys, I've moved you." the blond guy said shortly, turning to face the road again.

He was about to leave when Anna called out, "WAIT!"

The guy stopped and turned to glare at the girl. "What?"

"I need to find my sister because… long story, and our truck's totally wrecked and we're probably going to lock it to that tree-"

"Wait WHAT?" Hercules protested.

"Shh, shh, shh, Herc. Anyway-" Anna turned back to talk to the guy. "-we were wondering if you could give us a ride."

"Um… that's a little weird…" the guy trailed off. Meg agreed with him, to be honest. "But… I'm not really going anywhere urgent- I was just going home to no-one, so if you want… then sure."

"Hey, Anna, wait." Meg groaned. "You can't just take lifts from strangers. Who is this guy? Do we even know his name?"

"I'm Kristoff Bjorgman, if that helps."

Anna opened her mouth wide in surprise. "Are you Swedish too? I'm Anna Arendelle!"

"Greetings, Anna. There aren't seats in this one, but you can all pile in the back. You won't die… hopefully."

Milo gulped, and Kida socked him, telling him to "Woman up!"

"Guys, this is so bad…" Meg groaned. "Am I the only one who lives in the real world…?"

"Shh!" Rapunzel dragged on her arm and basically forced her inside the truck, as Hercules locked the truck to the tree, cursing under his breath.

"Who's navigating?" Kristoff asked.

There was a lunge for the other front seat, which Cinderella won, because she was the only one who could read the goddamn map. The rest climbed into the back, grumbling.

"I'm afraid for my life." Milo commented.

Meg patted his shoulder. "We all are."

* * *

"At least this guy is better at driving than Anna." Meg commented, folding her arms and scowling fiercely. "That's the only consolation to being stuck in a random guy's truck."

"He seems very nice though." Rapunzel put in.

"SO?" Meg bellowed. "Hans seemed nice, and he's screwed over two people in this truck!"

"Don't remind me!" Anna wailed.

"I'm not planning on trying to do anything!" Kristoff shouted from the front seat.

"Of course, of course! We believe you!" Rapunzel cried in response, at the same time as Meg said, "I'll believe that when it's proven!"

"Oh leave it alone!" Anna complained. "He's fine!"

"For now." Shang put in. "I agree with Meg, this really wasn't well thought out, guys."

"Can someone call Elsa?" Anna asked the general crowd around her.

"Give me your sickeningly adorable phone." Meg snapped.

"Hey! It's a bunny! It's awesomely adorable." Anna corrected, pouting.

"Phone." Meg deadpanned. "Give."

Anna put the phone into Meg's waiting hand. Meg called the number and waited for Elsa to answer.

"Hello, Elsa Arendelle speaking."

"Once again, it is Megara Sarkis calling on behalf of Anna Arendelle."

"Why can't she call me herself?" Elsa queried irritably.

"She doesn't have the ladyballs to do so." Meg replied smoothly. Elsa snorted at that, as Anna glared and the whole truck started giggling.

"What does my sister want?" Elsa huffed.

"She wants to know where you are- you are INNOCENT, my friend!"

Her voice grew quiet and pensive. "I just don't know, Miss Sarkis. I'm not sure what I did or not that night. So I'll just stay here until it all blows over!"

"IT'S NOT JUST GOING TO BLOW OVER!" Meg bellowed. "We're hiring a lawyer for you, you ungrateful bi…iscuit!"

"Ungrateful biscuit?" Elsa questioned, as everyone in the truck burst out laughing. Except Quasi and Rapunzel. Of course.

"Never mind." Meg huffed, wiping a hand across her forehead. "We're coming, now where are-?"

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Guys, she hung up." Meg announced.

"Oh [beep]." Anna muttered.

"What's happening?" Kristoff asked, turning around to the noisy group in the back.

"JUSTICE!" Esmeralda shouted. "That's what's happening!"

"I have no clue." Rapunzel murmured. Quasi agreed.

"Hell." Milo declared.

"ADVENTURE!" Mulan, Merida and Kida shouted in unison.

Kristoff still looked utterly confused.

"We'll tell you later, sweetie." Meg smirked.


	6. Hostages

"Wait, sorry, WHAT?" Kristoff yelled, as the truck stood in the line at a terrible junction- Meg swore that they had not moved a millimetre for at least five minutes. Because of the lack of actual driving needed in this kind of traffic, Anna had taken the opportunity to tell Kristoff the whole story, leaving out Meg's part in it at the Greek girl's request, and he was now in utter shock.

"It's true." Anna smiled and nodded.

"You're not serious." Kristoff groaned. "I mean, that sucks for you… how did you get all these people to help you?"

Anna smirked and flicked a braid behind her shoulder. "I can't help that I'm popular."

"So, this is it? Can I go?" Kristoff asked as he pulled up at Anna's desired spot.

"Well…" Anna gave him puppy-dog eyes.

"Fine." the blond huffed. "Fine. And once again, will you give gas money? You are the heiress of Arrowdale or something!"

"It's Arendelle. And yes, gas money on me!" Anna answered impatiently. "You wanna come?"

"Um, it might be a little weir-aaaaaahhhh!" the guy yelled as the youngest Arendelle heiress dragged on his arm.

Meg was both sympathetic and happy that the whole arm-dragging thingy wasn't happening to her (again). She reminisced over the past few days. Kida had been such a biscuit…! And Aurora had ben unnecessarily violent. With Cindy gone, she hoped that the blondes' other friend, Giselle, was taking care of the hormonal pregnant woman.

The Greek voiced this thought to the currently phone-engrossed Cinderella, who replied with: "Yeah, I told Giselle to look after her and if Aurora gets into any more trouble, I'll kill her." She didn't say it exactly jokingly either. Meg sometimes worried about that girl.

* * *

"So, here we are!" Anna announced, coming up to a small shack.

"Why the heck would the Arendelle heiress come here?" Mulan questioned.

"Good point." Merida noted.

"It's near that house!" Anna pointed to a semi-large, white, summery house. "This is one of the Arendelle homes."

"'One of the many, many Arendelle homes!'" Meg mocked.

"Hey." Esmeralda protested. "She's a nice girl, and she can't help being wealthy."

"And we used to hide out here as kids if we were in trouble, and then as teenagers when we were sad. But separately." Anna informed the group. She started pounding on the small door.

"Is she in there?" Quasi asked.

Cindy pressed her ear to the wall. "I can hear someone. Maybe it is her. It probably is- is she crying?"

"Phew…" Kristoff muttered. "So close…!"

"ELSA IDUN ARENDELLE!" Anna screamed, bashing the door ever harder. "OPEN THE BLOODY- AH!"

"What happened?" Esmeralda asked concernedly, placing a comforting arm around the girl's thin shoulders.

"I think I got splinters in my knuckle." Anna whined weakly. "Ugh! This sucks…we're so close… but so far…"

"Give me your sickeningly adorable phone." Meg deadpanned.

Anna glared at the Greek girl as she pulled out her iPhone. "We've been through this, it's an _awesomely_ adorable phone."

"Ah-ha, yeah right." Meg retorted as she dialled the number. "Hello?"

"Hello? If you are Megara Sarkis speaking on behalf of my ladyball-less sister-" Meg snorted at that and desperately tried to rein in laughter. "-then I don't want to hear it."

And with that… a flying monkey came out of the sky and knocked out Milo.

Joking, Elsa hung up and Milo was fine, if a little rattled from the crazy journey. The guy didn't get out much…

"Shit." Meg cursed.

"We can help…!" Mulan suggested. Meg looked at the deviously smirking Chinese girl and knew that something very bad was about to happen here.

Anna was clearly stupider than Meg, because she responded with an ever-cheerful "Go ahead!"

* * *

"I can't believe this." Kristoff muttered. "This is so bad- remind me never to give rides to crazy people."

"We're not crazy!" Shang retorted. He looked at the people around him. "Actually… maybe I'm the normal one. Herc I guess is pretty ordinary…"

"I'm the normal one!" Milo replied.

"I'm the realest one." Meg put in, looking at her nails.

"No, I'M the normal one!" Rapunzel squealed.

"No, you're not." everyone deadpanned.

"What normal human being calls a museum a 'weird display place'?" Milo questioned. "Anyway, they are most certainly crazy." He pointed at Merida, Mulan, Kida and Anna.

"Word." Elsa agreed. "I cannot believe you destroyed the shack door!" She glared at Mulan and Merida.

"Well, Anna did say it'd be allrit!" Merida defended.

"I didn't know you were going to do that!" Anna protested. "And I certainly didn't expect you to tie my sister up in KNOTS!" Anna gestured to the ropes that bound Elsa's hands together.

"That was only so we could get her in the truck!" Mulan defended. "So, I'll untie her."

When Mulan was done untying the knots, Esmeralda turned to face the ice-blonde girl. "OK. Miss Arendelle. What do you remember from the night of- hey, Anna, what night was it?"

"The seventeenth night of September!" Anna proclaimed dramatically. "I think!"

"Oh no." Elsa went pale. "Oh no… no, no, no- that was the night I was in an alley. I remember- there was this thin Chinese guy, and- oh my God, it might have been me!"

"You mean I'm currently harbouring a criminal?" Kristoff sighed from the front seat.

"She got framed!" yelled an incensed Anna.

"OK, OK!" Kristoff yelped. "Can someone else drive please?"

"I'll do it!" Anna volunteered.

"Nope! Nope! Nope! I'll do it!" Milo offered frantically.

"Word." Meg muttered, taking a can of Diet Coke out of her bag.

"Diet Coke?" Merida wrinkled her nose. "Disgusting."

"And Poca told me you can get cancer." Rapunzel warned, big green eyes wide in worry.

"You'll really believe anything that hippie tells you?" Meg deadpanned.

* * *

"Milo can really drive." Kida commented.

"Yeah." Kristoff grunted. "Now could I please get to know you crazies a bit better? You said you all go to the college- that's like an hour and a half of travelling left."

"Um, I'm Rapunzel and I only have two months of real-world experience!" Rapunzel smiled.

"Quasi, but I have like four months."

"Of real world experience?" Kristoff clarified.

"No, of pregnancy left." Meg laughed.

Kristoff and Quasi turned to glare at her. "Well, I'm Meg, and I am a realist… uhhhhh, my favourite colour is purple, aaaannnd… I don't trust you. So there."

"Well OK then."

* * *

"Can we get food?" Mulan groaned, a little later. "Starving."

There were mumbles of agreement from everyone else, and the group agreed to go to the nearest service station. They went inside, bought various unhealthy food and overpriced coffees, which was all disgusting anyway, and sat outside.

"Is it bad to climb a tree?" Kida wondered as we ate in relative silence. Elsa had insisted on wearing a hood, though she wasn't actually a fugitive yet, and Anna was trying to convince her of her innocence.

"No. Go ahead." Meg muttered, eating out of a bag of pretzels. Kida left, with a ready Merida and protesting Mulan.

"Poca told me you can get cancer from those as well!" Rapunzel shrieked as Hercules took a bite of a burger.

Everyone ignored her.

Just then, they heard some squealing, which was quickly muffled.

"Oh no, who fell?" Esmeralda groaned. She jumped to her feet and pulled Meg up with her. "Come on- I know first-aid."

"We know you know first aid." Milo put in, also standing.

"Hurry up!" Es hissed. "We need to check this out."

Milo, Meg and Esme walked around the corner to where Kida had hidden. There they saw Kida being dragged off by a figure in black, Mulan and Merida watching in horror. The figure's hand was over Kida's mouth, dragging her towards a silver Mercedes, muffling her screams. This area of the station was deserted, and literally no-one could see this. Meg snapped a picture of the car and slipped her phone into her pocket.

"Help! Help! Help!" they screamed, running back to where the others waited.

"What?" Kristoff grunted.

"Our friend's been kidnapped- and can you help us follow the car she just got put into?" Esme asked hopefully.

The blond was about to refuse, but in the end agreed with a, "You guys owe me SO much gas money!"

"Let's go people! Go go go!" Shang directed, guiding everyone back into the back of the truck.

"Wait!" Rapunzel protested. "I forgot my chocolate!"

"WE DON't HAVE TIME FOR CHOCOLATE!" Merida shouted. "Our friend has been kidnapped! You, there, Blondie, hit it!"

Slowly, the truck edged out of the parking lot. When they were on the motorway, Kristoff asked, "What car are we following!"

Meg crawled forward and leant over, displaying the picture she'd taken.

"That car?" Kristoff questioned, looking out in front of him to where the silver Mercedes was speeding along.

"Yep- I can't believe our luck!" Meg squealed, but she would deny squealing for as long as she lived.

"We're on track!" Mulan whooped. There was an outburst of cheering from the truck's inhabitants.

"Guys…" Elsa whimpered. "I really did not agree to this… I mean, I'm fine with going home, but this…?"

"Well, to be fair, we didn't expect Kida to be kidnapped." Milo reasoned.

"Yeah… I did not expect that. And it's already Saturday evening."

"What a waste of a weekend." Meg lamented.

"And I'm sort of scared." Quasi mentioned.

"Oh shh, you guys!" Mulan chided. "It's an adventure!"

"And it's for JUSTICE!" Esmeralda pumped her fist in the air.

Kristoff shook his head. "You guys owe me so much gas money."


	7. Sleepaway Trucking

"Are we still on the trail of this guy?" Mulan queried.

"Yep." Kristoff answered, not taking his eyes off the road. "Megan, is that the right silver Mercedes?"

"Who the [beep]'s Megan?" Meg asked, knowing who he meant, i.e. herself, but being flippant on purpose. She was invited to the front, which the others were not happy about- Shang and Cinderella both swore that they had bruises on their heads from the rides- both Anna's driving and the fact that there were no seats in this truck.

"Isn't that your full name?" Kristoff asked in confusion.

"If you must know, it's Megara." the Greek girl answered smugly.

"OK then, sorry, _Megara." _the blond mocked. "Is that the right car?"

Meg squinted at the Mercedes, which was about seven places in front of them in the fast lane, which was blocked up and actually not very fast at this point in time. "Yeah." she reported. "Yeah, that should be it."

The 'medium' lane's cars breezed through a very empty 'medium' lane. It was seriously going faster than the fast lane.

"I think we're about to start overtaking the kidnapper!" Meg yelped, staring straight at the car. She hoped that she could see inside, just to check that she was on the right track, but the windows were tinted and she couldn't see a thing.

That kidnapper is damn smart, she thought. She turned to the driver. "Hey, make sure we don't overtake that car."

"Will do, Captain." Kristoff answered with heavy sarcasm.

The car took a turning off the motorway. "Let's go!" Meg screeched, as Kristoff careered across three lanes just to turn in. Cue the honking of horns and cursing of enraged humans.

"Imagine if _Anna _pulled off that manoeuvre." Cindy commented.

"That would never happen." Milo muttered.

"If it does, I'll eat my arrows." Merida rolled her eyes.

"If you guys let me drive…" Anna pouted.

"Don't let my sister drive!" Elsa warned in a yelping tone.

"We already did." Meg said regretfully.

"I'll save my arrows for shooting." Merida concluded.

"Where's the kidnapper going?" Meg craned her neck as she saw the silver Mercedes turn into a tiny lane. "Um, hey, Christopher-"

"It's Kristoff, _Megan." _he fake-sneered. "What's up?"

"We need to get the truck into that turning."

"OK…"

"Bring it on." Mulan smirked.

* * *

One difficult turning, many curse words and a broken tree branch later, the truck was hot on the heels of the silver Mercedes, speeding down the country lane to keep up. Meg was muttering about how she was lucky to be alive, Milo was practically having a panic attack in the back, with Esmeralda, Shang and Cindy desperately trying to calm him down. All this was combined with the cheering of Merida and Mulan, yelling 'THAT WAS AWESOME!'. Elsa was whimpering again, Anna was playing a game on her rabbit phone, Rapunzel was wondering if she wanted to learn to drive or not and Quasi had gone absolutely pale.

Now imagine if _Anna _had had to pull off that manoeuvre.

No, Meg didn't even want to think about it.

* * *

The Mercedes had parked at a semi-detached house in the middle of a dying lawn. Two figures got out as the entire group climbed or leant into the front seat and peered out of the window. One figure was a male- he was large and muscly, and was carrying a struggling Kida. The other one, who was clearly female, was shorter and smaller, and had a gun pointed at Kida's head.

"Ki-!" Milo started to exclaim, but Esmeralda covered his mouth.

"Shh!" she hissed. "Do you want to be kidnapped?"

"Well, what do we do now?" Meg demanded.

"I'm wondering the same thing." Kristoff replied.

"Shh, shh, shh." Mulan hissed. "Anyone got food?"

"Um… I bought lots of water." Cindy put in. "But no food."

"Well, we've got some leftover snacks." Merida reasoned.

"Dammit I should have never left my chocolate!" Rapunzel raged.

"Ooh! Chocolate!" Anna perked up.

"Well, you guys brought my food with me, remember?" Elsa put in. The girl had definitely been prepared and brought a lot of supplies to the shack with her.

"Oh yeah!" everyone realised.

"Let's stay the night in here!" Mulan suggested. "Then work something out in the morning. Meg, take a picture, and we can park near somewhere else."

"Why can't we stay here?" Quasi asked.

"Yeah, why?" Rapunzel backed up.

"Well, it might look a bit suspicious if there's a truck outside all night!" Merida replied impatiently. "What if they move her or something?"

"Then this isn't a time to sit around. Let's go, go, go, people!" Es clapped her hands as everyone held on for dear life and Kristoff stepped on it.

They finally pulled up at a side bay on the tiny lane and settled in, shivering slightly.

"It's freezing in here." Meg grumbled, curling into a ball and managing to fit herself across the seat.

"Not fair." Mulan muttered. "Why'd she get the seat?"

"Because I was the one who was smart enough to take a picture of the car so we could actually get close to finding our friend." Meg shot back.

"Wait." Kristoff frowned. "Has anyone called the police…?"

"Er…"

"I can't believe I didn't think of that." Cindy groaned. "And I was so sure I was the practical one."

Meg slapped her forehead. "Anna, give me that disgustingly cute phone and I'll call the police."

"But I'm not scared of the police, so I don't need to give it to you! And why am I always the one to call places?"

"Anna, I'm practically your PA by now. Give me the damn phone." Meg snapped. She was happy to receive it and called the police.

* * *

"So, we didn't find a thing, Miss Sarkis. We understand suspicions, but, really, Officer Rourke is one of the best colleagues here. He is a man of the law and he really seems like the least likely person to do a thing like this." the police rattled off.

_"__[beep] you, we saw her get taken here." _Meg thought, but she replied with the much more agreeable. "I see, Officer." She smiled a shark smile. The Officer bowed his head, seemingly OK, but everyone else shuddered.

"Thank you for your time!" Rapunzel called after him.

Many pairs of glaring eyes faced the blonde girl.

"What? Courtesy, hello!" Rapunzel flicked her hair and Meg shook her head pityingly at the girl.

"Well, not even the police will believe us!" Merida exclaimed, throwing her hands dramatically in the air.

"Let's sort this shit out ourselves then." Mulan replied.

Meg facepalmed for about the hundredth time that day. "What have I gotten myself into…? she moaned.

"Lawsuits, revenge, clearing Elsa's name and rescuing a kidnapped person." Milo answered sarcastically.

"Oh god…"

* * *

Merida's phone rang in the dead of night.

"[beep] YOU!" Meg screamed. "I just got to sleep!"

"Great, now you woke me up!" Kristoff groaned. "I don't even know you crazy people…_ I _should be bitching and moaning at what I've just gotten myself into."

Merida lifted her white Samsung Galaxy (S5) for everyone to see. On the screen was the word 'Mother'. "My mum's callin' me." she moaned lowly. The light of the phone made it obvious that the Scot's already pale skin had gone about ten shades paler.

"Pick it up and go back to sleep." Cinderella complained.

"Hi, Mum." Merida said nervously. "What's the news back home…?"

There was some Scottish mumbling coming from the phone and Merida was looking increasingly annoyed.

"No way!" she yelled. More mumbling. "I can't believe it- you can't make me do this!" More mumbling. "No- NO! I won't stand for it! I refuse! I won't do it!" And with a whirl of red hair and a scowl, Merida ended the call. "I can't believe it!" she said again, this time addressing the people around her.

"What?" Shang grumbled.

"Me mum is forcin' me to marry de son o' one their business partners!" Merida raged. Her eyes brightened. "You guys can help me… right…?"

"Merida, you are at Number 3 of priorities." Esmeralda decided. "First we need to get Kida back, and help Anna. Then we'll help you. Is that OK?"

"Yeah. Mum says that they're planning for it to happen around April-time. That gives us six months. In the mean time, I'll ignore her calls and 'miss' my flight home over Christmas." Merida replied.

"Fantastic." Kristoff grumbled. "Now can we please get to sleep?"

"Don't worry." Meg laughed. "You'll be rid of us crazies the second we get Kida, collect the truck and then we'll pay you gas money to drive us back to the college, and then we'll leave you alone, K?"

"Great." he answered ruefully. Meg snorted.

"Shut up!" Cinderella deadpanned. "Sleepytime is necessary for a good quality of life."

"I was never asleep!" Anna whined. "This truck floor is so hard."

"Ya never been campin', Arendelle?" Merida mocked.

"Well, yes… but we had beds." Anna answered uncertainly.

This was greeted with a huge amount of heckling from Mulan, Shang and Merida.

"All right, shut up everyone." Kristoff ordered. "My truck, my rules."

"Aw, but-"

Meg was responded to by a "SHUT UP, SARKIS!"


	8. A Rescue

The group was woken up by a phone ringing.

It was Merida's.

"I'm going to kill her!" Merida shouted. "First, she called me in the middle of the night- she knows this time zone- and now- [beep]ing six a.m.?"

"SIX A.M.?" Meg demanded. "I hate this."

Beside her, Kristoff was groaning and trying to get comfy, as he was substantially taller and larger than her and could not really properly fit on the seat.

"Uuuuugggghhh…" Anna groaned.

"Guys, guys, guys, we need to get Kida!" Mulan sat up straight and Shang clapped his hands.

"Up, up, up! Operation Rescue Kida needs to start stat! Get ready, everyone!" Shang ordered.

"He grew up on a military base." Merida supplied.

"Right, you, Sarkis, get your Greek ass off the seat- we know you had the best sleep of anyone because you got the best space! Fa! Up! Mollenhaur, are you planning on moving anytime soon? The sooner we do this, the sooner we can just pay Kristoff and this shit can all be over! Up! Now- that means you too, Strongman!"

There was a scramble to get up- who would've thought Shang could be so scary? "Sir, yes sir!" they answered frantically, standing up and fixing hair. Soon, they were all ready, albeit dishevelled, but still ready.

"Oh no!" Meg whined as she stared into her phone's camera. "My makeup's run everywhere!"

Her moaning was cut off by two simultaneous slaps, given by Merida and Anna.

"OPERATION FIND KIDA, BITCH!" Merida bellowed.

"Right, right, sorry." Meg squeaked. Though she would definitely deny that she had ever 'squeaked'. Megara Penelope Sarkis was not afraid of anything.

Except possibly angry red-headed Scots who are even more angry than usual because they are being married off to some other Scottish random.

Damn.

* * *

"My feet hurt." Meg screwed up her face. "Why couldn't you leave me in the truck with Elsa and the rest?" The decision had been made

"Because ya scared o' me!" Merida reminded. "And I asked you to come. Very politely, of course. I am a lady." She snorted and mockingly curtsied.

Meg snapped her fingers. "Oh. Yeah. Damn."

"Here it is- can someone hurry Thatch up!" Shang snapped. He was normally a nice guy, but he was in what Mulan termed 'Military Mode'.

"Aye, aye, Captain." Mulan replied dryly, doubling back to go find Milo. She was probably the only not scared of Shang's Military Mode.

She reappeared, pulling on an exhausted Milo's arm to move him along.

"Where is this house?" Anna whined.

"I think it's there. Google Street View is my best friend." Meg decided, staring at her phone.

"I thought I was your best friend!" Esmeralda pouted jokingly.

"This is no time for jokes, guys!" Mulan worried, running a hand through her waist-length hair. "I'm freaking out so much…" For the first time- at least the first time everyone saw- a few tears fell down her pale cheeks. "And it's no time for crying either. But-" she hiccuped. "-but it just hit me, what if this doesn't go as well as we hoped? What if we get taken? And die? What if Kida dies? What if…?"

Everyone stopped in their tracks. They hadn't thought of that. Meg cursed- she could die in a random house rescuing some random girl she barely knew.

Well, she'd die a _[beep]ing _heroine then. The Greeks needed more heroines instead of the typical heroes. Stupid sexist mythology.

"Here we are!" Merida announced. Yep, it was the same house. She pulled out her phone and checked the picture she'd taken the previous night. Yep, definitely the same.

"Now what?" she asked.

"We did not think this through." Mulan commented.

"How about we scout round the base of the house and attempt not to get caught- Megara Sarkis, why the [beep] are you still wearing your damn stiletto boots?" Shang frowned.

"I was wearing them yesterday!" Meg protested. "I always wear them in case I have to kick someone's balls."

Cricket-chirp silence.

"What?" Meg questioned. "Happens more often than you think."

Another awkward silence.

"Oooookkk… let's just start with Shang's plan." Merida decided.

They quickly walked around the base of the house, seeing nothing. Until they got round to the last side of the house, when they heard a small tap against a third-floor window.

"Is that her?" Milo asked.

"Could be. Did you bring the ropes?" Meg asked. "And that hammer?"

"Yep, I did." Shang produced the necessary implements from that Tardis of a duffle bag.

"OK… so we tie someone to the rope, and then they thread them through any of those small rings." Esmeralda planned. "We'll attempt to hold the person if they start to fall."

"I'll do it." Mulan decided.

"What? Are you crazy?" Shang shouted. When Merida hissed at him, he lowered his voice. "Mulan- I'll do it, please, come on, I don't want you hurt."

"No way, Tough Guy, I'm ready for this!" Mulan used her right fist to punch her left palm.

Shang agreed, looking pale, and he tied the Chinese girl to the rope. As soon as she was tied in and had the hammer, she started climbing the side of the house. She was nearly at the window, when there was a shout- "WHO'S THERE?"

Oh _shit._

Mulan started smashing the window, oblivious. The others stood frozen, anxiously waiting for her to get in.

Milo had gone pale. "I'm so nervous…" he moaned.

"We all are, now shut up dork!" Merida hissed. Everyone gaped- she might be scary, but she'd never actually been mean.

Mulan had jumped in the window. They were about to let go and run, when suddenly a figure appeared. The same male one who had been dragging Kida to the house. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

The woman appeared, the man behind her. She was blonde and very beautiful, however she appeared to be just as strong. He had grey hair, large muscles and an angry expression. She grabbed at Milo, and before anyone could protest, Milo had been dragged off. They could no longer see him, and were anxious, but the man started charging up to them, like a raging bull. All the group could do was run away. Merida, Hercules and Shang were all fast runners, and Esmeralda had spent quite a lot of time on the streets before coming to the college as a History major as a twenty-year old freshman instead of the usual eighteen or nineteen. But the point was that they were fine. But Meg?

Meg's feet hurt already, she couldn't run and she'd barely played a sport in her life. She was soon falling behind the others.

_"[beep]." _she thought bitterly as she felt the man coming closer and closer to her. "I'm so going to die… at least I'll die a heroine."

Just then Hercules started doubling back, running towards her.

"_Hercules, what the hell are you doing?" _she hissed as he got nearer. "Save yourself!"

He didn't reply; instead he scooped her into his arms, carrying her bridal style and catching up to the others surprisingly quickly for having a person in his arms- though she was really, really light. But still. He really was Wonderboy.

"Oh good, you got Meg." Esmeralda muttered. "Hey, Meg, we're heading back to the truck? Where's your phone? Text Kristoff, Cindy, Elsa or Anna."

"Doing it." Meg grunted, picking Anna. She wrote- 'Heading outside the house and Milo got taken too- we're really scared. Please pick us up while we regroup.'

Anna replied almost instantly. "OK. Coming now."

"Does Mulan have her phone?" Hercules panted.

"IDK." Meg replied from his arms. "But I'll tell her about Milo." Meg sent the relevant text. Hopefully Mulan got the memo.

The woman was done dealing with Milo, and she gave chase as well. Just then, the truck pulled up.

Cinderella flung open the doors and everyone ran in. Just as Cindy closed the door, the woman who'd been chasing them jumped on the back, holding on. Kristoff stepped on it, and the woman was forced to step off. Well. They heard a crash. She was gone.

"There they are!" Kristoff yelled, catching sight of Mulan, Kida and Milo. Had the group not been in a life-or-death situation, the sight of Mulan and Kida carrying Milo would have been very funny.

But there were more important things at hand.

Kristoff careered onto the grass, smashing into a tree. The woman was standing there, hurling abuse and stones at the truck. Despite this, the three hopped onto the back ledge. Cindy yanked open the door, pulled the two kidnappees in roughly, and they landed hard but were still relieved. Meanwhile, Mulan and the man were fighting each other on the back of the ledge, as everyone peered out of the small back windows anxiously.

Shang was fretting like a frantic mother, though he'd never admit to that. "Is she OK?" he worried. "I'll never forgive myself if-"

"Just say you love her already." Hercules muttered.

Everyone gasped as the man repeatedly hit her face. She wasn't exactly defenceless- she had taken a ton of self-defence and martial arts classes in high-school and still took them in college. Both parties were circling wildly around, an equal blood covering over both of them. They traded blows for what seemed like years. Until finally Mulan got the better of him, knocking him cleanly off the back.

The man lay motionless on the road and Mulan rapped sharply on the back door. Cindy jumped up and brought the wounded Mulan inside, laying her across the truck floor. Kristoff drove off quickly as Shang practically knocked Cindy to the side and sat right next to her.

"Mulan!" he asked worriedly. "You alright?"

"Shang, I-I'm fine." she hissed, taking ragged breaths. "He got my head pretty good though…"

As Shang freaked out over Mulan, Meg turned to Kida, who had a black eye forming around her right eye, bruised arms and a tired demeanour. Milo was relatively unscratched, but Mulan had definitely taken the hardest hits. Shang and Cindy, who were trained in First Aid, were tending to their wounds.

"So you don't have a toolbox, but you have a first aid kit…" Meg muttered. She hated the back; Anna got to be at the front this time, lucky bitch.

"Hey, I never know what could happen!" Kristoff defended. "Now, I'm taking you crazies back to that place, calling out the shop to fix your truck, then someone's paying me gas and we'll go our separate ways."

"Nah." Esmeralda replied lazily. "You can't go through shit like this with other people and never see them again."

"Wanna bet?"

"Ten bucks."


	9. Back to Normal

"So, who were they?" Meg asked as they sat in the waiting room. Kristoff had brought Kida and Mulan to a hospital to make sure they were OK. Meg, Milo, Esmeralda and Shang had come with them, while the others had gone to pick up Hercules's truck. Kristoff knew the number of a different shop that would hopefully be able to come straight and fix it.

"Who were who?" Shang asked, distracted.

"Why would we know?" Esmeralda continued. "I think Kida could answer that."

"I'm so worried about her." Milo knotted his hands about.

"She'll be fine. _Mulan's _more hurt." Shang protested.

"Bullshit." Milo muttered.

As the men argued over who was more hurt, Meg gave Esmeralda a look, and the two women laughed into their hands.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Milo and Shang said simultaneously, glaring at them.

Meg just laughed harder.

"How bad did they hurt you?" Milo asked frantically as Kida emerged from the doctor's room.

"Um, a lot of bruises, and this-" She indicated her black eye. "But that was just from the struggle I put up. They were going to ransom me to my dad, so they didn't want to risk hurting the deal by hurting me."

"But why? Why you?" Rapunzel asked.

"Good point." Quasi mumbled.

"They have a problem with my family."

"Those two have a problem with your family?" Anna repeated.

"Yes." Kida answered dryly. "They want this expensive diamond my dad has. But he won't give it to them. It's worth too much."

"Isn't that a bit materialistic?" Meg questioned. "Like, surely your safety is worth more than a stupid-"

Kida punched the nearby side table, tears filling her eyes. "No!" she wailed. "No, you don't understand- it was my mother's! And she's… gone from this world. Dead. Passed away-"

"I get it, I get it." Meg soothed. "I'm so sorry… I didn't realise… I feel ridiculously terrible now."

The white-haired girl sniffled. "No, no it's fine. I didn't tell you, why should you understand?"

"Who are they though?" Quasi queried.

"Lyle Rourke and Helga Sinclair." Kida sighed. "They're mercenaries- they have other jobs, like Rourke's a policeman- but they're really mercenaries at heart- been after us for years. We've been moving around for a while, but they always find us. When the police came, Sinclair dragged me into some revolving wall-room thingy with a gun to my head. I figured I'd better shut up."

"This Rourke guy sounds like bad news." Anna commented.

"No shit." Meg and Kristoff deadpanned simultaneously.

"Lyle Rourke, Lyle Rourke… dammit!" Milo exclaimed loudly, slapping his hands together.

"Shh, shh, shh!" Anna hissed, waving at their quiet, clean surroundings.

"Let me guess, these two have a problem with your family as well." Cindy commented.

"Yeah… Rourke has a few issues with my granddad. They used to work together- before Rourke became a policeman- and Granddad had a more… academic mind while Rourke was and still is a greedy asshole. Sooo… basically Granddad kept shutting down his missions to ancient towns because he just wanted to sell shit, destroyed a lot of things, and had no respect for the cultures. So there." Milo finished.

"OK…" everyone fidgeted awkwardly.

"Well, quarrels suck." Meg commented. "Especially when they lead to kidnap."

Everyone gave her a 'no, duh' look.

"So that's why they decided to go for Milo instead of any of you other guys." Kida realised. "I'm so sorry everyone, and especially you- you didn't have to help us, y'know!"

Kristoff smiled awkwardly. "No, it's fine. You're all crazy, but pretty fun."

* * *

"I HATE THIS." Mulan raged.

"Calm down, calm down." Shang soothed.

Meg was in the lounge Tuesday night, as usual. Once again things were normal. Esmeralda was reading a history book, Quasi and Rapunzel were doing some crafts project- except instead of doing her normal stuff, Mulan was here as well. She had been ordered to be careful and not take any fitness classes for a few weeks. Currently, the Chinese girl was jumpy and restless as a result of this order.

Shang's phone beeped loudly. Rapunzel shrieked and managed to get a streak of pink paint across Quasi's nose. The redheaded boy shot her an annoyed look and left to go wash it off. Rapunzel looked quite apologetic,.

"It's the shop. Can someone drive me to pick up my car?"

"Anna was going to do it. But she got sick off the service-station food." Meg muttered. "Too rich to get used to all the crap in there."

"Can you drive me?" Shang asked.

Meg considered it, looking around her. "All right." she barked. "Esmeralda, make sure Mulan does not go anywhere. I'll get Anna's car key and we can go."

* * *

"Thanks a lot." Shang said to the teenage mechanic there, Audrey, as she brought out the car. They'd even washed it at a far lower price than any other place.

"You're welcome, Mr Shang." she smiled, showing her white teeth. She leant on the wall. "Mr Shang, tell me, does your school take mid-year transfers?"

"Yes… we do, but you would have to catch up on the term's work. Um, Miss Ramirez, what would you like to study?"

"Engineering. I would like to work somewhere that is not just a repair shop." she answered.

"Well." Shang continued. "I can check it out, but from what I've heard you could either catch up when you get there, or take online classes and just come in for the end-of-term exam. It's barely October- you've only missed like a month. That would be possible…" He tapped his chin.

"Yesss!" the Latina jumped up high and punched the air. "I have wages from working other places- I could take loans as well."

"Audrey." came a stern voice from the back. "We have talked about this. I do not believe it is necessary!"

"But Papi!" the girl wailed. "Please! I promise that I'll still work here on weekends, and other places and you won't be stuck paying for me! Everybody else my age goes to college- I'm eighteen years old!"

"Freshman, huh?" Meg commented. Audrey nodded, and Meg lowered her voice to whisper in her ear, moving the blue hat slightly. "Give us your email, we'll send you the stuff for the online course, sneak out, ace the final and then you'll be in. Well. Maybe."

"Worth a try!" Audrey countered quietly as she wrote her email quickly. "Bye Mr Shang, and… you."

"Meg." she replied, as she got in Shang's passenger seat.

"So we've got Anna's problem, then Merida's problem, now Audrey's problem…" Meg realised. "Are we [beep]ing counsellors?"

* * *

"Mulan!" Shang exclaimed. He shot Esmeralda a dirty look. "You! What did you do? Why is my- Mulan tied up?"

"Hey, how else would I keep her on the sofa and read at the same time?" Esmeralda replied off-handedly. "This is important!"

Before Shang could reply, a furious Merida stormed into the lounge, knocked some freshman clean off his squishy blue sofa and flopped onto it herself, yelling into her phone. The blonde girl next to him stared in utter fear and jumped off the armrest willingly. Merida put her feet up and continued bellowing. "NO I WON'T BLOODY DO IT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! KIDNAPPING IS ILLEGAL!"

"Taran, are you alright?" Esmeralda asked from her position. "Merida…"

The Scot flipped the bird and continued shouting.

The boy got off the floor and brushed himself off. "You know… I might just go back to hanging in my room, thanks." He coughed awkwardly and left, muttering something about "Quasi said it was cool…". Ah well. The blonde waved goodbye and followed.

"We scare everyone off." Quasi mumbled to himself. "Well… mostly Meg does. And now Merida…"

"Who the heck were they?" Meg questioned.

"That's Taran and Eilonwy." Esmeralda answered simply.

"How do you know them?" Meg pressed on.

"Eh, petitions get you so far." Esmeralda waved her hand, smiling cheerily.

* * *

"Do you think I should break up with Phoebus?" Esme asked out of the blue, later that evening. Her book was covering her face, and she was slumped across the armrest.

Meg sat up from her similarly-collapsed position. Or rather, she bolted up and stared at her friend with an enormous amount of shock. "Where. The. Hell. Did that. Come from?" she questioned dangerously. "You guys were fine freshman year- what happened?"

"He got promoted- I _told _you over the summer- can't believe you forgot-"

"Sorry." Meg shrugged, while not really feeling that sorry.

Esmeralda just gave her a look which suggested that she knew exactly what the Greek was thinking. "Yeah, he got promoted, and he's been barely talking to me this month. Freshman year-great. Early September was fine… late September was not so good… and now he hasn't called me in a week and a half! A week and a [beep]ing half! I would've brought it up earlier… but than there was that whole Kida thing… and the Anna thing… you were gonna call that lawyer, right?"

"Ah shit!" Meg whined. "I forgot… it's been a few nights only… and I heard Elsa is literally like a prisoner right now- though it is self-imposed- so we have to help Anna out." She scowled at the thought of having to move. "[beep] it, I'll do it tomorrow, K? Promise. Anyhow, you're really thinking of it?" Meg queried.

Esmeralda pouted and rested her face on her hand. "I dunno… just wanted your advice."

"My advice is that you should have just broken up with him at the end of high school if you knew he was joining the army." Meg deadpanned.

Esmeralda scoffed and threw her friend a withering look. "You are so much help. Merida?"

"YOU'RE A RAGING, CONTROLLING, EVIL HUMAN BEING AND I WISH YOU WEREN'T MY MOTHER!"

"Beep. Beep. Beep. Merida is unavailable at this point. Please call again later." Meg smirked, picking up her phone and starting to play Candy Crush.

"This is no time for Candy Crush!" Esmeralda raged, knocking the phone clean out of Meg's hands.

"Hey!" the Greek whined. "My phooone."

She soon received the expected 'slapping' reaction from her best friend. "MEGARA SARKIS? WHAT THE ACTUAL [BEEP]?"

Meg shrugged. "I don't do relationships any more."'

"Quasi? Punzie?" Esmeralda asked hopefully. They stared at her blankly.

As if.


	10. Embarrassment and A Deal

"Please stop crying…" Meg worried. "Please, Es- you are supposed to take the stage and give your human rights lecture today… you can't do it like this."

"I can't believe it!" Esmeralda wailed. "I cannot believe he broke up with me. The first time he calls me this month… and it's to break up with me? That asshole! It should have been _me _to do that!_"_

"This is why relationships are a no-go." Meg smirked. "No dates for me."

Esmeralda giggled and twirled a piece of dark hair around her finger. "Ah-ha… not for long."

"What are you talking about?" Meg questioned tiredly, though she was sure she knew the answer already.

"Wonderboy!" Esmeralda coughed.

Meg flopped onto her bed and groaned into a pillow.

There was a knock on the door.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, ME AND MY FRIEND WERE HAVING A VERY PRIVATE DMC AND YOU CANNOT JUST INTERRUPT US!" Meg stormed, opening the door.

The platinum-blonde girl had run away.

Esmeralda was still crying.

"Aw, you scared off Elsa." Mulan said, appearing in the doorway. "She was about to talk to you. But I am not scared of you, Megara Sarkis, so I'm just going to say that some police tried to raid the college. We had to cover so hard for Elsa- Kida had to practically shove her in a wardrobe- y'know, she's still not convinced of her innocence… so we really have to call that lawyer!"

"It's only Thursday…" Meg trailed off.

"Nearly a week! Do it!" Mulan poked her in the shoulder and stormed off, slamming the door. The brunette turned back to the sobbing gypsy. "Es, chin up. You obviously deserve better- I mean, Phoebus was _all right- _but you need more than all right! Now." Meg grinned and crossed over to where her iPod was, connected to a small speaker that Quasi had given them freshman year. "This- is a foolproof cure." she informed as she picked the song she wanted.

"You mean… P!nk party?" Esmeralda whimpered hopefully.

"Damn right I do!" Meg cheered, setting the song. "Cheer up girl- you don't need no guy!"

* * *

_"SO WHAT, I am a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! Guess what, I'm having more fun…" _

Two girls, one Greek and one of gypsy origins, were jumping around their dorm, knocking over makeup, slipping on discarded clothes and straining crappy college bed springs. And singing P!nk songs really badly. Like, really, really badly.

As one of the girls (the Greek one) was Megara Sarkis, logic follows that a certain Hercules Strongman would walk into the dorm right about…now!

Meg shrieked and fell over, landing in a messy heap on Esme's bed. She yanked at her green skirt, hoping it hadn't risen up too much. She wasn't in the mood to flash to Wonderboy.

Esmeralda, facing the wall, was still dancing like crazy, oblivious to the entry. "Hey…" Hercules said uncertainly.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" Meg raged. However, like Mulan, Hercules was not scared of her.

"Well, I was looking for you."

"Why? Stalk much?" Meg sneered.

"No… it's because you left your charger in the lounge and Shang had early class so he told me to give it to you because he didn't want to disturb you. Here." he handed her the white cord and plug and promptly left.

"Mmmmmnnnnnn…" Meg squashed her face into Esmeralda's pillow.

"Sweetie, that was bad." Esmeralda commented. She had finally stopped dancing. "Anyway, thanks for the P!nk party." She sniffled. "Made me feel better. And I am going to get up there tonight and kick ass with my talk."

"That's what best friends are for." Meg smiled.

"Did someone drown you in cheese?" Esmeralda asked.

"Oh shut up."

* * *

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Anna screamed, throwing her freckly arms around Meg's neck. The brunette sighed and peeled the other girl off.

Elsa's reaction was quite different. "Took you long enough."

Meg ignored her and dialled the number into her iPhone. "Hello?"

The deadpan secretary answered. "Hello, this is the Cricket Law Firm, how can I help you?"

"I would like to speak to Mr Jiminy Cricket." Meg asked politely.

"Certainly, Miss Sarkis. I shall put him on the line shortly. Please hold."

A crappy waily tune started playing from the phone.

"Is all hold music terrible or something?" Elsa wondered.

"Yep." Meg smirked. "Written law."

"Ah ha ha."

Finally, Meg got off hold and onto actually talking to Mr Cricket. "Miss Sarkis!" he greeted. "How may I help you? Has that ex of yours been causing more problems for you? Because if he has, then I have no problem with helping-"

"No, Mr Cricket." Meg tried to cut him off, but remain polite. Hopefully she succeeded… "However, Hans- Mr Southern, has been causing problems for a Miss Anna Arendelle. She is currently right next to me- I'll put her on the line."

"Sure then, Miss Sarkis."

Meg handed her phone to the young heiress. "Hi!" Anna squealed. "So, as you know, my dear friend Meg recommended you to me, and basically, the thing is that he framed my sister for a crime she didn't commit."

Mumbling from the other end.

"Attempted murder."

"Yes, I know!"

"But I heard them talking about it!"

"Thanks so much, Mr Cricket. I'll be over tomorrow!"

"I have class then."

"Yeah, that works_._"

Anna put the phone down. "I'll be driving there tomorrow- 3 o'clock!" she announced excitedly.

"Um." Meg put in hastily, worried for the girl's safety at this point. "I'll- no, I have class- I'll arrange someone to drive you!"

"But I can-"

Meg crawled over from her place on the floor and placed a finger on Anna's mouth. "Shh dear." she mocked. "No you can't." Anna threw her a resentful glare, but did agree to being driven.

* * *

"MEG I NEED YOUR HELP!" Anna came charging into the room. "Can you come to the Lincoln Medical Centre with me? I need to go speak to Ling!"

"Ling?" Meg asked, shutting her book and pulling out her earbud. "Who the hell's Ling?"

"Um, he's the stab victim. He isn't dead- Shang knows this guy."

"I can get Milo to drive you." Meg deadpanned, indicating the said person, who was sitting in the lounge as well.

"Hey! No you can't!" Milo protested.

"Shh dear." Meg dismissed, turning back to the desperate girl in front of her. "I could get Esmeralda to…"

"Please!" she begged. "Please please please- how about I take everyone who came to dinner? There's this really great place called the Crackle on the outskirts of town, and-"

"Isn't the Crackle mad expensive?" Esmeralda queried.

"Heiress, remember." Meg put in.

"Oh yeah…" Esme trailed off. "It's so good though… fine."

* * *

"Excuse me." said the stern nurse. "Who are you all? Mr Ling has suffered trauma and only family members are permitted to visit him at this time."

"Brother." Shang said hopefully. "I'm Ling Shi. I mean, uh, Ling Li."

"Adopted sister." Anna put in quickly. "Anna…belle Ling!"

"Sister in-law." Meg added. "Megara Sarkis-Ling."

"Um… I'm his girlfriend." Esmeralda shifted awkwardly. "Esme Molton."

"Esme… I do not remember anyone saying…"

"We're dating!" Esmeralda wailed. "Please, Miss… Monroe!" She hurriedly read the lady's nametag. "I need to see him… I've been so worried…!"

"Oh well, I'm a sucker for romance, and though you're not technically family, I'm sure that he'd love to see you…"

"You should have made your major Acting." Meg commented as they walked down to the ward. "Nice one."

"So, who stabbed you that night?" Anna queried when they reached his bed.

Ling scowled. "Hold up! I've never met you guys- well, I've met you, Team Captain." He giggled nervously at Shang's look. "Ah-ha. Anyhow-" he continued, retaining his annoyed tone. "I don't know shit about you three chicks, so who are you?"

"Shh, shh, shh! The nurse thinks that that's your sister in law, Shang's your brother, she's your adopted sister and I'm your girlfriend."

"WHAT?" he asked incredulously. "How the hell… though I wouldn't be opposed." Ling looked up and down at the gypsy. Esmeralda huffed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm Megar-" Meg started, but she was cut off by Anna.

"My sister got framed for your attempted murder and we need you to testify!" Anna rattled off. "Except they wouldn't let anyone who wasn't family in so we had to… improvise."

"I WILL TELL YOU ANYTHING!" Ling screamed, waving his hands wildly in defence. "Just… gah, Shang, an explanation! PLEEEEEAAASE!"

"Tell us who stabbed you and we'll leave you alone." Anna attempted to threaten.

"Hmmph." he grunted. "Well, it was definitely a chick who stabbed me that night. She had platinum blonde hair, kinda tall… wore a lot of blue." He fidgeted nervously. "That was definitely it… that's what I should- I remember! I remember everything!" he proclaimed.

"Something tells me you're lying." Meg hissed through gritted teeth. "What is the truth, Mr Ling? It will not leave this room!"

"Well, we might tell some friends- and a lawyer." Anna murmured.

"A lawyer?"

"I think my sister got framed." Anna bit her lip, sighing.

"She's the platinum blonde one, isn't she?" Ling realised. "Look, it was definitely someone fitting that description, and that's all I know…" Once again, he started fidgeting and coughing.

Esmeralda, Anna and Shang seemed to accept this, but Meg was good at body language. "You're lying." she maintained.

"No way!" But he was fast losing his composure. "I s-swear."

"Liar." Meg deadpanned. "Look, Ling, we need some answers!"

He lowered his voice. "Fine then. But don't you dare say a word about this. _I'm being paid." _he whispered. "I'm supposed to testify like this and I get my college free, OK? I'm sorry, but…"

"Arendelle heiress." Anna replied. "Change your alibi and I pay your way in return, K? Really, you should do the right thing for free, but…"

The guy sighed, burying his face in a scarred hand. Everyone automatically winced. "Fine." he huffed. "Can we go halfs?"

"Halfs." Anna answered. "Deal."

"So, yet another person in this shit…" Meg muttered.

"To be fair, that was inevitable." Shang quipped.


	11. Court Cases and Eating Out

Merida's phone was ringing.

"Answer it!" Meg complained.

The Scottish girl looked at the screen. "I can't, 'tis my mum!" she protested, choosing to ignore the call.

Five seconds later it rang again.

"Silent. Now." Meg seethed. "We are trying to work on clearing Elsa's name, and your phone is just there, and-"

"OK."

_Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz._

"Oh just pick it up!" Esme huffed.

"Fine." the Scot sulked, putting the phone to her ear. Then the yelling started.

"Why did we tell other people about this place?" Rapunzel whined.

"I see your point." Meg deadpanned.

"The first court case is tomorrow… right? Right?" Esme asked, entering. Meg and Anna nodded. The gypsy continued, trying to ignore Merida and her mother's fierce arguing.

"I have had the craziest couple of weeks, with all these lawyers and law things and loophole shit." Meg sighed, rubbing her forehead. "For the rest of the semester, I'm gonna do nothing! None of the things! No matter what problem someone has, I will do nothing!" she proclaimed loudly.

"Yep. After all that bullcrap, we might actually be cleared."

"There will be a celebration dinner with everyone if this goes well, at the Crackle. I still have that Kristoff guy's number from that night we spent in the truck. If it doesn't go well, we can have a consolation dinner at the Crackle." Anna decided in glee, tapping at her white tablet.

"We will win." Esme said resolutely. "I'm not gonna have that Hans be able to screw over two of my friends."

"We're friends?" Anna asked, both incredulously and joyously. "Yay!"

* * *

"Here it is. The big day." Meg commented, as she drove Anna, Elsa and Ling to the court. Why Elsa couldn't drive, Meg didn't know, but… whatever. Elsa was up front, while Anna was stuck with the deeply irritating Ling at the back. Ah well. He had the decency to not hit on Anna, in lieu of her Hans trauma (the whole story was known to him), but when they had put him at the front, he seemed to think that Meg was free game. Meg had stopped the car and refused to drive unless someone else came in front.

A car swerved in front of them. "Hey!" Meg bellowed out of the window. "Asshole!"

The person in it gave them the finger and zoomed off.

Finally they pulled up. Anna waved and walked in with Elsa. Meg waited in the car for a bit, crossing her fingers.

And guess who would be walking past, but Hercules Strongman. It was all the Greek girl could do to _not _repeatedly slam her head into the dashboard. "Hey, Megara!" he called cheerfully, striding up to her car. "What brings you to the court?"

"Anna's court case." Meg answered. "I'll be here a while. Everyone else was 'busy', and I was planning on being busy too."

"Well, good on you, Megara." he praised. "It's really nice, what you're doing for her. Would you like to get breakfast or something?"

"It's… 9.30 and I haven't eaten anything." Meg groaned. "But it's not like I'm hungry."

"Come on." he urged. "Please… I'm lonely too." He fake-pouted, and Meg had to admit it was sort of adorable.

"Fine." Meg got out of the car, slamming the door. "I will go get food with you."

"Yesss!" Hercules pumped his fist in the air. "Thanks a lot, I owe you one. Tell you what, I'll pay."

"What a gentleman." Meg commented. "You really are Wonderboy."

* * *

Meg and Hercules were back in the car. She had walked around town for hours, and despite being broke, bought a pair of lousy earrings, and now she was bored. What a waste of her free morning… and she had class soon! Jeez! Also, even more annoyingly, Wonderboy had decided to accompany her everywhere. He was 'bored', apparently. Couldn't he just clear off and go hang with the rest of the asshole jocks around the college?

"Where are they?" Meg whined.

"Patience." Hercules gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Meg slapped his hand away.

"Do that again and I'll kick you in the balls." she hissed.

"Sorry." Hercules bit his lip and looked out of the window. "Hey, they're here!" he called.

Indeed they were.

"We won!" Anna cheered, pumping her fist in the air. "Elsa's made a good case and Hans and his thugs are fast losing credibility." The Swedish girl paused and scrutinised the extra person in the car. "Ooh, Meg went on a date!"

"I bought food with him- well, he bought it for me." Meg corrected.

"Esme was so right about this- Elsa, I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm sooooo excited."

"Shh. My car." Meg snapped.

* * *

"How do you afford this?" Meg yelled, as everyone crowded into the restaurant. Anna and Elsa had brought Meg, Esme, Shang, Mulan, Ling, Milo, Kida, Merida, Hercules, Quasi, Rapunzel and Kristoff. Cinderella had been invited as well, but it was her and Henry's 'date night' and apparently he complained so much about her missing it that she gave up and went with him instead. After ranting to an understanding Esmeralda, as well as a confused Quasi and Rapunzel, for ages.

"Arendelle!" Elsa called to the fancy-as-[beep] dressed maitre d'.

"Right this way." the man said in an incredibly posh accent. Meg fidgeted awkwardly and pulled the hem of her blue printed dress down- why did she think it was a good idea to wear a minidress to a fancy restaurant? Kida was having similar issues with a short red number.

"Check Milo." Mulan whispered, as they followed the guy to a… private room? Knowing rich people had its perks! "Kida may be having a problem with her dress, but I think he doesn't…"

"He's pretending." Merida snickered.

"I wish I had a man." Esmeralda sighed dolefully. "My man, to be clear. I'm not just gonna go pull that maitre d!"

"Try _Ling._" Meg mocked.

"Shut up!" Esme retorted.

"No, try that guy!" Merida pointed to a handsome Japanese man sitting with a bunch of other people.

"Tadashi? Why would I pull Tadashi? He's a friend- that reminds me, hey Tadashi! Honey, hi! Gogo, how's the robotics going? Hey, haven't seen you in ages, Wasabi! Yo, Fred!" she called at the group. They all answered as one would.

"She knows everyone." Merida commented.

Meg just nodded as the other diners started giving them glares.

"Oops." Mulan smirked, as everyone tried to hide giggles.

* * *

Meg was alone. Elsa and Merida were animatedly discussing the worries of an heiress in an important family and Rapunzel and Quasi were discussing something they saw on Pinterest, their latest real-world discovery. Kida and Milo were heavily flirting, as were Mulan and Shang. Anna and Kristoff were shyly flirting, and Esmeralda and Ling were exchanging friendly banter with each other, mostly based on Esmeralda masquerading as his girlfriend that time in the hospital.

When Ling left to use the bathroom shortly before dessert, Meg voiced her thoughts to Esmeralda. "I'm aloooone!" she complained.

"Talk to Hercules then!" she hissed, pointing at the empty chair next to the Greek girl- Hercules had dropped his wallet and was desperately trying to find it. "Why do you think I've been talking to that prat Ling all night? So that there can be two… you see where I'm going with this!"

"I have no interest in Hercules!" Meg countered with enormous dignity.

Esmeralda snorted. "Yeah right, and Milo's strong, Merida's a pushover, Rapunzel's cynical and you're not sarcastic."

Meg glared.

* * *

Esme and Meg were walking along the guy's floor, over to the next staircase, while avoiding a drunk Anna, who Cindy was taking care of after a huge argument with Henry. They were now 'taking a break'… anyway the thing was, something was wrong with their usual staircase, which was right near the dorm entrance. Someone had said it had collapsed slightly or something stupid like that.

Suddenly, Meg crashed right into someone- a guy- who caught her immediately by the waist- _and didn't let go. _"Well, hello." he greeted. "I am Edward Marsden and- ooooh!" Meg had elbowed him in the stomach. He was so lucky it wasn't his balls. Esme stood there and shook her head.

"Edward-" There was a distinctly female gasp. "Edward- you were supposed to call me, and now I find you hitting on my friend! We are done!"

"You sleaze!" Meg screamed, wriggling herself free. "And Giselle." she added quickly. "Just because we did one group project freshman year with Eric doesn't make us friends."

The light-ginger haired girl pouted. "Oh. Sorry." And she stood there, blinking. Edward attempted to leave, but Meg grabbed his collar. "You are not going anywhere."

"Is this man bothering you?" Mulan arrived, as if on cue.

"GRAB THE COLLAR!" Meg ordered. Mulan shrugged and grabbed the guy's red shirt, but gave the Greek girl a questioning look. Meg indicated the slightly upset Giselle and moved her hand around. "Revenge, please."

"One 'PULL' coming up! Call Merida and Kida." Mulan shouted as she dragged at Edward. Meg caught the Chinese girl's risky throw of her phone and dialled the correct numbers. "Esme, take her back to her room." Mulan gestured to that staircase. "You're good at comforting. Find Cindy… Anna should be fine..."

"I'm fine." Giselle insisted, smiling placidly.

"But… sweetie, you two have been together since high school. Shouldn't you be like… really cut up?" Esmeralda asked.

Giselle blinked. "I don't have a lot of feelings."

Merida and Kida practically slid onto the scene. "I got the ropes and ev'rythin!" Merida called, waving the said objects around.

Giselle's mouth opened in alarm. "Ohhhh, no… what are you doing?"

Merida cracked the rope against the floor and smiled a shark smile that Megara Sarkis herself would have been proud of.

Edward was so dead.

* * *

Late on a Thursday night around the middle of November, a certain Edward Marsden was lifted onto a flagpole by three vengeful girls, one redheaded, one Chinese and the other dark-skinned and white-haired. Accompanying them was a brunette in a short blue printed dress, a gypsy wearing a green dress and a light ginger-haired girl in pink. Several others had come to watch this, and many people hung out of windows and put their lives at risk to see it. Really…? But to be honest, Ms. Gothel didn't really care that much.


	12. Problems with Naivety

"Right Meg. We need to focus on Merida's problem." Esmeralda decided as she and her best friend walked to their dorm room.

"I've done enough for others this term!" Meg shot back. "We are on our way to putting Hans in jail and got a teenage mechanic into the online program!"

"You did that?" Esme asked. "Yaaay… go Meg!" She clapped, doing a small dance around the (thankfully deserted) hallways.

"Who's in our room?" Meg pulled a face as she got ever closer. "Oh God… oh God…no, just no, this is not OK…"

"What the hell?" Esmeralda shrieked indignantly as soon as she could hear the sounds from their dorm. "Who the hell is that… are they? It is AT LEAST two people."

"Oh, my dear, we all know." Meg replied with heavy sarcasm, flinging open the door.

Inside were Milo and Kida, making out against a wall on Esmeralda's side of the room. Some of the Romani's things had been knocked over, and they were so caught up in it that they didn't even notice the two entering. Milo was shirtless and Kida was just in underwear.

"I did not know they were together." Meg muttered.

Her friend nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. That's new."

"I do see the chemistry though…" Meg considered.

Still they did not notice.

"We need to stop watching this!" Esme hissed. "I feel like such a creeper!"

"Fine." Meg replied. She raised her voice. "HEY! What gives you the right to make out in our room? USE YOUR OWN ROOMS, GODDAMMIT!"

The pair instantly sprung apart and stuttered out excuses/apologies.

"My roommate is _Kuzco. _Have you met that guy?" Milo explained.

Meg conceded- she had indeed met the hyperactive, selfish and deeply irritating prima donna. "Fine. Kida?"

"My roommate is Vanessa, and according to her, it isn't 'classy' to make out with people in our room, even though I swear she got with a Burger King employee in the Burger King bathroom- like that's any more classy! I mean, what the hell?"

"Ew." Meg commented.

Esmeralda walked up to the girl and nodded in sympathy. "Honey, I know. I know. She was my freshman year roommate…" The two sat on the girl's bed and started talking animatedly about their experiences with their fellow student. Meg gave them a sceptical look and threw Kida's clothes at the girl.

Milo stood there, blinking awkwardly.

"Leave." Meg ordered, throwing his shirt at him and gesturing at the door. He promptly left.

"… and she had a threesome in the janitor's closet! Which included the JANITOR!"

* * *

"I need your help." Rapunzel said.

"What?" Meg grunted, pulling her face off her sofa, once again in the lounge. "I'm busy."

"But you're lying face down on a sofa in the lounge, while alone! No-one else is here!" the blonde protested. "You're not even doing HOMEWORK!"

"I'm… going to do homework." Meg replied lamely.

"But MEG! This is an emergency! Flynn Rider is in my bedroom and I don't know what to do with him!"

Meg sat up straight. "First of all, what a perv. Second of all, I don't do men, but every girl knows that having Rider in your room is a dream come true. You should take advantage of that. You can either call Merida, Mulan and Kida, or sleep with him. Now leave me alone." She slumped back down to her original place.

"Sleep with… first of all, no. I don't do… it. And he's unconscious." Rapunzel replied.

"WHAT?" Meg sprang up and let out a stream of garbled swearing. "WHY?"

"Um, well, he ran into my room and shut the door- and I was about to leave, by the way- and he said he needed a place to hide and that I could not leave. So I knocked him out- with Tiana's frying pan- I need to give that back, dammit- and I put him in my closet. Was that a bad thing to do?" she asked, biting her lip nervously.

"Are you for real?" Meg questioned. "Whatever, I'll come with you and help!"

"Yay!" Rapunzel squealed and jumped up and down. Meg sighed and allowed the girl to pull her along a hallway, up to the third floor and into a room. The Greek girl sighed and kicked a pink dress out of the way. And a baby-pink vest. And someone's white and pink heart-print dressing gown.

"Sorry, I'm such a mess. Giselle's so tidy. And he's in here." She opened her wardrobe and an unconscious Flynn Rider fell out of it.

"Ooh, a satchel!" Meg said. "What could be in it?" She started to unbuckle the worn brown leather, but Rapunzel snatched it out of her hands.

"Hey!" she protested. "You cannot do that! Looking through other people's things is wrong!"

"I've been doing the wrong thing my whole life, honey." Meg countered, smiling nastily and grabbing the satchel back. She fully opened it and found a chocolate bar, a few bits of paper, a leaflet for Ferrari cars (in your dreams, Rider)- and a tiara.

"That filthy thief!" Meg hissed, running her hands along the gold and diamonds. It was clearly really, really, expensive. "Well, he must be a thief and he must have been running away from someone. Do what you want, I'll go. And get the ropes, I think Merida might have them. Laters." She walked off.

"Wait… what to do…" Rapunzel complained. "I'm so clueless…" The girl jumped in the air again and squealed, "I have a great idea!"

Meg heard the squealing, but didn't look back. Big mistake.

* * *

"I've sorted my problem out! And I did it 95% on my OWN!" Rapunzel declared, striding back into the lounge.

"What'd ya do? You call the police?" Meg questioned.

"No." Rapunzel answered with a big smile.

"What did you do then?" Meg huffed.

"Flynn is a very knowledgable, cynical person. People always tell me that I am too naive and that I don't know much. So, he is going to teach me about the world. I hid the bag and only when I feel that I know enough about the world will I give it back."

"When you say 'hid', you returned it right?" Meg asked hopefully. "Or at least handed it in as lost property or something…" This was not shaping out to be a good situation.

"Returned… no, that would be lying and I don't lie." Rapunzel answered blankly. "It's bad to lie."

"Oh shit." Meg flopped onto the sofa and restricted the surefire scream that was emerging. "Oh _shit._"

"What?" Rapunzel asked. "No, really, WHAT?"

"Just… gaaaaahhhh!" Meg screamed into a white cushion.

"WHAT?"

* * *

"Meg, we need to go pick up Tiana and Naveen." Esme announced one day as she walked into the lounge. Meg was sitting on the blue sofa's armrest, surfing the net on her phone, Anna and Elsa were at another court case, Kida and Milo were being gross, Mulan and Shang were trying to ignore sexual tension, Merida was yelling and Quasi was carving a figurine. Rapunzel was letting Rider give her real-world experience. Good-[beep]ing-God…

"What? What did they do, how did they do it and why are they even in the same place?" Meg wondered.

"Naveen got some loan off Facilier and can't pay it back now."

"Facilier… oh shit! Why is everyone I know an idiot?" Meg demanded.

"I'm very smart!" Kida protested, coming up for air.

"Didn't you get a C in your last quiz?" Milo retorted.

"Shut up!"

"You know I love you really."

"You too."

Meg averted her eyes from the happy couple. "OK, ew. Gross. What should we do? I already have Hades and Hans after me, what about-?"

Esmeralda's phone rang. "Hey, Tia… how's it going… why the hell are you on a _riverboat? _Like, how… OK, you're fine, right. Have you killed Naveen yet? We only know one lawyer and he's pretty busy with that whole Anna thing… oh, you haven't heard… never mind, where's Naveen?… I don't believe you, put him on the line right now or I'm calling the police… hey, Naveen, any bruises? Please tell me you're all right. You're fine… haha, no, you're delusional. Very funny, and how's the thing with Facilier? Total loan shark, I know, I know. Bye." She put down the phone. "Well, they hitched a lift on some river cruise. Not sure how or why. Anyway, they're fine."

Just then, Hercules poked his head in the door. "Oh, hey guys, and the lovely Meg! How are you?"

"Good-aaah!" Meg screamed as she fell off the armrest.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah..ow…" She hissed in pain as she whacked her ankle against a side table.

"Well, OK then, Megara. See you around."

"UGH!" Meg dramatically smacked her head into the armrest.

The other occupants of the room giggled nervously, however, unfortunately for them, the angry Greek girl noticed. She stood up straight and started yelling. "What? What are you laughing at, you assholes? There is plenty in your lives to laugh about! Like, you two!" She jabbed a long, pale finger at Milo and Kida. "Get a [beep]ing room already, which isn't ours, by the way! And you need to talk like a mature adult!" She pointed at Merida. "And you two need to bang already!" She finally rounded on Mulan and Shang. With that, the furious woman stormed out of the room and bumped straight into Aurora. "And you need to not be slutty enough to get pregnant!" she raged.

A murderous look came into the blonde's eyes. "Say that again." Aurora snarled dangerously. "Say that again."


	13. Harm, Hallways and Hair Issues

**OK, I need to address reviews. Been meaning to do it for ages, but only now am I getting round to it. Let's go.**

**To shadowgirl- I read your review and would like to sincerely apologise for any offence caused. I honestly didn't know that the term is considered insulting, and will not use it in future chapters. I thought it was just a way of describing race, like calling Caucasians 'white'. **

**To Lynx- I don't know why I did that- I don't do that for my other stories. Originally the story was a lot less sweary, so I planned to beep out all of it, but then I just didn't... I don't know.**

**To I Need A Thesaurus- Yep, it's a crazy story. Not at all realistic, but it's fun to write.**

**To Megara2001- Been meaning to say this for ages- thanks for your continued support! Updates coming!**

* * *

"Seriously, Megara? Again?" a voice said. "Well, I guess I'll just put you in my room again."

"Mmmmph…" Meg moaned softly, not really registering what was happening. "Mmmph… gah!" she shrieked, opening my eyes. "What the hell… did Aurora put me in the hallway again?"

"Oh, Meg! You're awake." Hercules sighed in relief. "Phew…"

"PUT ME DOWN YOU ASSHOLE!" she raged through gritted teeth, beating on his muscled arms. Ooh… that felt nice.

"Megara, are you stroking my arm?"

Crap.

"OK, I'll put you down…"

Meg attempted to stand up, but got woozy and collapsed to the floor. "Mmmph… that wall looks nice. Don't you think that wall looks nice? No really, it's purple, and purple is my favourite colour…"

Hercules sighed, picked her up again and this time sat her in a small armchair in the corner of his room. "Meg, are you OK?"

"Yeah… let me go, you asshole!"

"Well, that's some gratitude!" Hercules smiled awkwardly, trying to be sarcastically but failing so, so miserably. He was too cute for that, but not that she would ever say so...

"Buddy, leave the sarcasm to me." Meg quipped.

"Well, you just sit here for a bit and I'll get some ice for you. I'm just trying to help you, please don't leave."

As soon as he left, Meg immediately tried to stand up again, but after almost immediately falling over, she realised that she was indeed stuck. There was no way she was going back into those hallways, not for a while anyway. However, Florian entered.

Crap.

"Aw, what are you doing here?" the guy moaned.

Meg already wanted to punch him, but she probably wouldn't have got too far if she'd tried. "Hercules." she explained. "I promise I won't mess anything up."

"He does know that that's my chair, right?"

"Well, that's news!" Meg glared at the man. "I'm not dirty. I'm not even bleeding…"

"Great!" he mock-cheered. "Now can you leave?"

"That's [beeping] rude, jackass!" Meg snapped.

"Why are you always in here anyway?"

"I have pissed off Aurora Thornwood so she ends up hurting me the whole time."

"The pregnant chick? Oh, you _idiot." _

Meg sighed. "I know, I know."

Florian laughed into his hand. "Seriously… did you hear what she did to Philip last week?"

Meg pursed her lips and thought. "No. No I did not. Is it funny and/or worth my time?"

"She flung a bowl of porridge at his head at breakfast."

"No way… I got off lightly."

"Nah, she hit you with a ring binder and you were out cold for a good four hours. I think I got off lightly. All she did was yell at me for sarcastically congratulating her on getting her aim right." Florian replied.

"Lucky bastard." Meg muttered.

"True, true." Florian shrugged.

Just then, Hercules charged in.

"I got the ice!" Hercules shouted, waving a lurid object around. "Meg, have you and Florian killed each other yet?"

"Actually, she's all right." Florian admitted grudgingly.

"I can't believe you admitted that." Meg shot back. She squinted at the thing in Hercules' hand. "Is that… is that the Ice Sock?"

* * *

After several minutes of holding ice to her head, being talked to, and reassuring Hercules that she was all right, Meg left.

To the scene of Cinderella beaning biscuits at Henry Charmsworth.

"Oh my God." Florian stared at the scene. "She's normally so calm."

"Hey! That's chocolate and this is designer!" Henry was yelling as a chocolate-chip cookie hit his cream suit jacket.

"And this is from a thrift shop, whaddya know?" Cinderella screeched back, gesturing at her brown midi-skirt and blue T-shirt.

"Ooh!" Florian mocked. "The high-and-mighty Cinderelly wears thrift shop clothes. Ooh-hoo-hoo!- OW!" A cookie had hit him straight in the forehead.

Meg laughed. "Serves you right. Never make fun of that girl, seriously. Y'know what, I'm gonna leave and find somewhere more normal." She left and went to her own floor. Normality would be everywhere around here… right…?

"THIS TIME I WILL REALLY STAB YOU WITH A FORK!" Kida was bellowing into a phone that she, Mulan was leant over, listening to it by way of the speakerphone function.

"AAAAAAAAHH!" Tarzan Jungle and Jane Porter swung out of a bedroom on some sort of rope… what the hell… nearly knocking straight into Meg. They collapsed in a heap on the ground.

"I told you this wouldn't work." Belle lectured from the doorway. "This book says…"

"I don't care what your sodding book says." Jane hissed, trying to wriggle out from under her boyfriend. "Tarzan, get that amazingly toned arse off of me…"

Four of the seven Aquarelle sisters (the other three had graduated) were screaming at each other.

"Andrina, you're dead!" the freshman Ariel was yelling as she hit her sophomore sister with a pillow.

"That's mine!" the senior Aquata started pulling at Ariel's pillow. "You're going to get her damn makeup- and all the fluff from that bloody sweater- all over my pillow! MY PILLOW! Jeez!"

"I know you made out with him!" Ariel screamed, continuing to hit the sophomore sister.

"We did one group project, ONE, WITH other people, and suddenly you think that- ugh! Why are you such an idiot, Ariel?!"

"Oh I'm the idiot! Who got a failing grade on their last midterm! I could always tell Dad! He'd take away your car!" Ariel shouted furiously.

"Guys, stop fighting!" the junior sister Arista wailed.

Andrina responded by hitting her sister full-on in the face.

"That is IT!" Arista stormed into a random room to grab a pillow.

"Get out get out get out!" a female voice squealed from inside the room.

"Malina's banging Kuzco." Arista stated simply, reappearing.

Everyone dropped what they were doing, and stared at the blonde.

"Malina's banging Kuzco?" Andrina questioned in disgust. "I thought she was better than that."

"Is that my room?" Jasmine Sultan screamed, storming onto the scene.

"At least it's not mine." Milo reasoned.

"Hang on… wait a minute…" Kida gasped in delight, grabbed his wrist, and the two ran off to the guy's floors.

"No prizes for guessing what's about to happen." Meg commented.

"No shit." Mulan retorted, turning back to the phone. "THE FORK IS REAL! _THE FORK IS REAL!" _

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Meg questioned.

"Inside joke with Merida." Mulan smiled. "Kida's in on it too… TRUST ME, THE FORK WILL GET YOU!"

"That's weird." Meg said breezily. "I might just go into my room…"

"_All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies!"_

"…hey, Es."

* * *

Rapunzel burst into the lounge, wearing a black miniskirt, a lavender top, a black leather jacket, black boots and a grey beanie.

"Guys, what do you think?" the girl asked, grinning widely. "I know I haven't seen you guys recently, but me and Flynn have been so busy! I got a makeover- we bleached my hair- take a look! Look, look, look!" Rapunzel squealed as she took off the hat.

Her previously waist-length hair was chopped off and the resulting style was a spiky, short bob. Meg actually quite liked it. The style, that is. The colour was… not quite agreeable. It was not a bleached blonde. To cut a long story short, it was green. Yes. Green. Daaaaamn…

"What happened?" Esme cried. "How…?"

"What?"

"Hair…"

"Huh?" Punzie pulled out her phone and checked her hair. The gasp that followed was straight out of a horror movie. "How did this happen?" she shrieked, flapping her hands about like a demented bird.

"I went swimming today. Should I not have done that?"

"No, sweetie. No… when didja get the bleach done?"

"Yesterday…"

"Oh SHIT!" Esme cried. "Whose idea was that?"

"Flynn's…"

"RIDER!" the Roma raged. "Meg, get Rapunzel to a salon. Dye over this! I'm calling Mulan, Merida, and Kida!" She stabbed a number into her cellphone. "You three, over here, stat!… It's Rider. Find Rider and PUNISH HIM!.. Not with the pulling, but yell at him a bit… fine, fine, I don't care if you threaten to stab him with a fork!"

* * *

"What colour should I have?" Rapunzel questioned.

"Your natural colour?"

"What if my hair was pink? Meg, am I allowed pink hair?"

"Do what you want."

"Actually, pink is weird. Overrated. But I don't just want blonde! I want something different, but not too different."

"Get red. Like that chick Ariel."

"But all my clothes are pink! Pink and red don't go together!" The blonde pulled on Meg's arm. "Megara, help me!"

"Get brown then."

"Brown? Like hair?"

"Yes. Brown hair. Go get your hair dyed."

* * *

There was a shriek of "GET IN!" the second Meg and Rapunzel emerged from the salon, Rapunzel sporting an agreeable, conservative mid-brown colour, instead of green.

A beat-up red Toyota had pulled up outside of the salon. What was Esmeralda doing… crap. Something had clearly gone wrong…

"What?" Meg yelled. "What the hell? Es…?"

"It's meeeeee!" Esmeralda screamed out of the window. "We are going be involved in a lot of action here. Tiana and Naveen hopped off their river cruise and Facilier's chasing them, and they can't hide. Mulan wanted to come too, so she's here- and so is Quasi- get the hell in! Now! We need as many scouts as possible!"

"Rapunzel, here's your real world experience. Loan sharks. Get in." Meg dragged the girl into the squished backseat. Mulan was on the left, Rapunzel in the middle and Meg on the right, with Esme driving and Quasi up front.

"Loan sharks… sharks?" the brunette queried. "What, like actual-?"

"No, honey." Meg shook her head pityingly. "No. Not real sharks. Just an expression!"

"WHAT?" Quasi shouted. "Wow! I did not know that!"

"I'll sign you up with Rider too." Esmeralda muttered.


	14. Driving and Screaming

"So, that is what a loan shark does." Mulan concluded.

"Ohhhhh…" Quasi and Rapunzel replied.

"Facilier's a bad one!" Meg quipped.

"Ahhh…"

"Call Tiana!" Mulan shouted. "Anyone have her number?"

"She tutored me in Maths once!" Quasi replied, picking up his old bricky Nokia phone. "I should have it… Tiana Rose! Got it!" He pressed a few buttons, and after a few rings got through. "Where are you guys- what's that sound? A motorbike? No helmets? That is terrible. Absolutely awful-"

"QUASI!" Esmeralda screamed. "Who the hell cares whether they have helmets or not? Just tell us where they bloody are?"

"Oh, I didn't get to that part. Where are you guys?" Quasi continued talking serenely as Esme gritted her teeth over the many curses that were spilling out of her mouth.

"I can't believe that- that's awful!" Quasi exclaimed.

"Quasimodo Thomas Hulce, if you do not tell me where the hell Tiana and Maldon are, I shall hit you with this- restaurant guide!" Esme blustered, choosing the thing nearest to her.

"Oh please do, the restaurants in it were shit anyway, it doesn't matter if we ruin it." Meg put in.

"Yes, yes. So you're in- whoa! That's really not safe." He winced as Southern-accented shouting came out of the phone.

"Quaassssi…" Esmeralda hissed, taking a hand off the wheel and picking up the restaurant guide.

"OK, OK, you're down the West Side. WEST SIDE, EVERYONE!" Quasi shouted, trying to sound badass but failing so miserably that… Meg couldn't think of a good metaphor. Or was it a simile? There was a reason she'd had to ride by on her Art score to pass English and graduate high school… but, that was irrelevant.

"West Side it is." Esme turned into a side street. There was a pause, which was so awesomely cool that Meg felt like that they should all put sunglasses on simultaneously, but, once again, that was irrelevant.

And the pause ended with something spectacularly cool- "FLOOR IT!" hollered Mulan.

And floor it they did. In just half an hour they had arrived to where they were supposed to be. Quasi was gasping and Rapunzel's eyes were widened in absolute terror, but... maybe it was worth it.

"Guys, down here!" someone shrieked. "Maldon, drive properly! Just 'cause you're rich don't mean that you can crash your bike!"

"This is not my bike! I don't have a bike! And if I did, why would my bike even be in this part of town?"

"Wait, what?"

Tiana and Naveen were skidding past on a seemingly-borrowed motorcycle. Naveen looked relatively serene, but Tiana was screaming and clinging onto her 'hated' male companion for dear life. Meg burst out laughing at the sight and snapped a picture on her iPhone. Cue more yelling and bitching from Tiana.

"Guys, dump the bike and get in!" Esme shouted.

"Facilier's hot on our toes!" Naveen screamed as he dived into the footwell.

"I think you mean hot on our heels." Meg deadpanned.

Every single person in the car gave her a look of utter disgust and dismay. "Really?" Esme voiced what everyone else was thinking.

"Tiana, what the heck do you think you are doing? Get the hell in!" Mulan ordered.

"But I won't have a seatbelt!"

"Swap places with me!" the Chinese girl huffed.

"Then you won't have a seatbelt!" Tiana wailed.

Mulan sighed, grabbed the other girl's arm and shoved her in Mulan's footwell. Naveen was sat on Meg's feet, which was extremely uncomfortable for her. "Eyes that way." the Greek girl warned, jabbing her finger at the back of Quasi's seat. "I am wearing stiletto boots."

"I've heard of those. Gaston Charier has not hooked up properly with anyone in weeks." Naveen smirked. "Nice one, Megara."

"Shut up about Charier's hookup issues!" Tiana snapped. She dug in her pocket and produced a USB stick. Lowering her voice, she continued. "I swiped this off Facilier a while ago when he had us- and he hasn't backed it up, he'd only just received it and then I stole it, which is probably why we're all in mortal danger- but it was a good idea at the time. Some agreement from his 'friends' on the other side. The criminal underworld, if you will, and it's basically the whole deal."

"OK, OK, someone throw it out the window and we'll drive over it." Mulan suggested. Tiana passed the USB to Quasi, who threw it outside.

"There they are! I don't care if you have to capture their little friends, I'm getting my wealth!" Facilier ordered.

"Oh shit." Esme muttered.

"GO GO GO GO GO!" Mulan bellowed as Esmeralda shot forward. They had seconds to spare as motorcycles surrounded their car.

"No! No!" Facilier cried.

"Well." said a gravelly Italian voice. "I think your time is up, Facilier."

"No, no, can you give me a second copy?"

"That was the only one you signed for." the voice sounded triumphant. "It's time to pay back your loan." The owner of the voice snapped his fingers and two goons dragged Facilier out of his car and dragged him away. "Please!" the loan shark shouted. "Please! No! Anything! I'll do anything!"

"At least that's over." Meg commented.

"Yeah, we're still in danger, genius." Esme countered. "They probably still want their loan back."

"Floor it." Mulan shouted.

"Will they be caught?" Rapunzel asked. "They don't seem to be very legal people."

"I called the police a while ago." Tiana said. "They should be."

The minions- they were more interested in punishing Facilier- left them alone, but were pursued by police almost immediately.

"OK, we're safe and that's over." Naveen sighed.

Meg grabbed her purse and started whacking him in the head. "Now is the time for you to answer me this. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

"Hey, stop!" Tiana shouted, then covered her mouth shiftily.

"This reminds me." Mulan smirked. "Why were you and Naveen even together in the first place?"

"I was tutoring him." Tiana replied shiftily, deliberately not looking at anyone else.

"Right." Meg smirked. "Tutoring."

"Yeah, Ti, I call bullshit." Esme decided.

"You… concentrate on driving!" Tiana blustered.

Esmeralda, Mulan and Meg cackled, while Quasi and Rapunzel looked confused.

"I don't get it." Rapunzel pursed her lips and furrowed her brow.

"WELL, THAT'S BLOODY RIDICULOUS!"

"Would you shut the hell up?" Meg grumbled irritably. "Jesus, Merida, you really should talk like a normal adult."

"OH, I'VE GROWN UP LIKE THAT, Y'KNOW! I DO KNOW JACKSHIT!"

"I'm trying to study." Meg snapped.

Esme snorted and looked over at Meg's Facebook page. "and returned to her laptop. "Kida, how would I make this noticeable to the general uncaring student population? You minor in Design, right…?"

Kida audibly groaned as she pulled herself away from Milo and went over to help her friend.

"OK, fine then, Mother. It. Is. On." And Merida slammed down her phone.

"Oooh, what's on?" Rapunzel asked excitedly. "Are you guys gonna be in a contest to see if you have to get married or not?"

"I have three months to save the partnership." Merida sighed. "I need a nerd to help me with all the numbers- hey, Milo, you're a nerd, right? Come over here! I'll- pay you, I dunno."

"Well, I'm a Language guy, but I did take lots of Economics senior year… yeah, I think I was OK at that…" Merida folded her arms and huffed as she waited for an answer. "Oh, and don't worry about payment. I don't mind doing it for free. You've done… actually, what have you ever done for me? Nothing much, but I'm a nice guy. Yeah, yeah, show me the figures."

"Thank you!" Merida threw her arms in the air. "At last." she muttered darkly. "Now what the heck does this mean?" she queried, raising her voice again.

It was an ordinary evening in the middle of November. The lounge was slightly cold, so everyone was wearing sweaters, and it was filled with the usual people. Megara Sarkis, sitting on her favourite blue sofa, 'studying' off a laptop. Esmeralda Mollenhaur, creating some petition posters to hang up around campus. Kida Nedakh, helping her. Merida Dunbroch, trying to save a partnership between her parents' business and another business. Milo Thatch, helping her. Quasimodo Hulce, painting a figurine. Fa Mulan and Li Shang were at the gym and Anna and Elsa Arendelle were at one of their final court cases. Their chances of winning looked good. Rapunzel Corona, frowning in confusion and disgust as she was finally shown Miley Cyrus's infamous VMA performance by a smug Flynn Rider.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! What the hell is she doing with the-?"

"Y'know what… you can't be Blondie anymore, can you- I'm still calling you Blondie, whatever- we're turning this off."

"Oh come on! It's one of those things which you can't watch, but you have to watch. I want to experience the whole wor- WHAT'S THAT?"

"That, my dear, is grinding. Now come on, I'm switching this off. You clearly can't handle-"

"No, stop. I will finish the whole video…wait a sec, oh my God! Why would you-?"

"Blondie, I'm switching this off now, seriously." Rider reached over, tapped the screen and pulled out the brunette's earbuds.

"Awww, but- maybe this is better." Rapunzel admitted. "Let's watch my favourite thing. Put your earbuds in."

"OK." Rider watched as Rapunzel tapped on the phone screen.

"Put in your earbuds!" Rapunzel begged. "Please…!"

Rider put in his earbuds. "Is that… is that…Blondie, _are you watching Nyan Cat?"_

"It's cute!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh my God, look, Flynn, look! I did not know-"

"Blondie, no! You cannot put on the extended version!"


	15. Party People in the House Tonight

**Read through and realised I forgot to put line breaks in the last chapter! Sorry! Hope no-one got confused! Anyway, on with the chapter!**

* * *

"NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE MY DESK, RIDER!"

"Aw, Janey, why not?"

"It's not like I keep books on there or anything! And don't call me Janey!" came a British shriek.

"What's going on?" Meg asked.

"Yeah!" Esmeralda protested, stepping out of their room. "Why are there drinks everywhere?"

"Ladies!" Flynn Rider slung his arm around Esmeralda, who did not react. Meg was disappointed in her friend. "I can explain. I'm throwing a party in your hallway and lounge for Rapunzel. And the rest of you lovely ladies. It's the next part of her real-world experience program."

Meg rolled her eyes. "What-the-ever." She stared at the copious amounts of cocktails around. "How did you even afford this, guy-who-steals-jeans?"

"I got Lottie on board." He indicated the smiling blonde, dressed head-to-toe in pink.

"I donated!" Lottie explained.

"Yeah, we've been preparing all afternoon." Flynn explained.

"That Rapunzel girl's great!" Lottie grinned happily.

"So how's it been going?" Esmeralda asked.

"Well, I bought alcohol and mixers, which is totally how I always get alcohol and mixers, BTW, and I started mixing them a while ago as this thing is starting in fifteen minutes- be there. Then Tiana came over to yell at me because apparently having all pink drinks for a girl's party is sexist-"

"It is." Meg and Esmeralda said simultaneously.

"Whatever. And it was Lottie's idea anyway."

"Think pink!" Lottie beamed.

"Anyway, go get ready. Let's get this party started!" Flynn cheered.

* * *

"Esmeralda, what is that?" Meg questioned, raising a brow at the cropped white thing that Esme held. "Is it a bra or a shirt?"

Her friend gave her a withering look. "Shirt, idiot. I'm hooking up with someone tonight. I know Rider will sneak guys in there."

"Yeah, I'll just dance alone with Merida." Meg mock-sighed.

"Girl's great." Esmeralda agreed. "But my high school boyfriend broke up with me recently, I am permitted to rebound."

Meg shrugged. "There are better ways to get over heartbreak. Have a P!nk party! Shop! Get drunk with your girlfriends."

"Or almost get done for assault."

"That was in high school!"

"But you whacked out his-"

"Drop it."

"But you kicked-"

"I SAID DROP IT!"

* * *

An hour later, the party was in full swing. The cocktails were being consumed fast, people were making out in corners and dancing all over the lounge sofas. Someone had already thrown up in the corner, and there were plastic cups everywhere.

Meg wrinkled her nose and ducked into a cupboard.

Tiana gasped, pulled away from Naveen and weakly slapped his face.

"What the hell?" she asked.

The African-American woman shrieked and ran away, dragging Naveen with her.

"Was she drunk?" Meg asked a tipsy Lottie.

"No. But she thinks she is. I knew that if she thought she was drunk, she'd make out with him. I've been feeding her pure mixer all evening. Tomorrow I'll come clean and she won't be able to deny her feelings!" Lottie smirked, swaying slightly.

Meg nodded admiringly. "Lottie, you may have failed your midterm, but you're one hell of an evil genius."

The blonde bounced up and down on her heels. "I know."

* * *

Meg had called the repair shop and prayed that Audrey would answer. She and the mechanic had a very nice email friendship, so why should she not invite her?

"Hello, who is this?" Jackpot!

"Hey Audrey!"

"Oh, hello Meg. What's up with you- thanks for the online materials!"

"I need company- alone at a party. Come to the college. The Walter Dorm."

"Sure. Papi sleeps like a log. I'm coming."

"Meg, I need you to distract Shang!" Merida yelped, sifting through the pulsing crowd in the hallway.

"Why?" Meg shouted back as she talked to and drank a vodka&amp;pink lemonade with her friend. This had better be good... she was having fun.

"Drunk Mulan is getting her claws into Rider, he's interested and if Shang sees, he'll flip!"

"Aww...ESMERALDA!" Meg saw her friend passing and grabbed her shoulder. "Go distract Shang!"

Drunk Esme gave the Greek girl a sloppy smile. "Yeah... sure. Rebound..." she slurred, teetering off towards the Chinese man in her dangerously high stilettos.

"Nice!" Merida nodded appreciatively.

"Dance with me, fellow single ones." Meg begged, tugging at Merida's T-shirt.

The Scot was about to agree, but then her phone beeped. She checked the screen and replied quickly. "No can do, Megara. Charier's been harassing a blonde freshman and Kida and I intend to do something about it. Audrey, are you in on it too? I think you'd be good at it."

"Sure."

"Bye." The two girls walked off.

"Damn it, I'm alone." Meg muttered, heading in the opposite direction.

She was only alone for a few seconds, as after those few seconds, a large mass slammed straight into her.

"Get up asshole!" she grunted, standing up straight and supporting the clearly-drunk... Hercules? Oh shit.

The boy was slurring incoherently as Meg tried to drag him back to his room.

"Megara..." he murmured, stroking her face.

"No touchy!" She whacked his head.

"My line!" Kuzco protested, marching past her.

"That was weird. Whatever." Meg continued dragging the strangely heavy Hercules to his room. She just managed to open the door and shove him onto his bed.

"You're so beautiful." he sighed, and promptly fell asleep.

Sighing, the Greek girl sat in the small armchair. "That wasn't very good company." she murmured to herself.

"What wasn't?" a confused voice asked. Crap- Florian was coming out of the bathroom and had switched on the light. "Ah! Megara! What are you doing here?" He nearly dropped his towel, but managed to save his modesty.

"Your roommate got drunk and practically passed out. I figured I'd return a favour and take him to his room." she replied. "There's a party upstairs." she explained.

"Party?" The dark-haired man perked up. "Can I come?"

"Yeah, it's open to all-well, not really, but I'm lonely and no-one will notice. Meet me outside."

Five minutes later, Florian was ready and the two were making their way upstairs.

"PULL! PULL! PULL! PULL!" Merida, Kida and Audrey were dragging a tied and blindfolded Gaston through the hallways. Esme was trying to comfort the blonde freshman, who was either Alice or Eilonwy. The rest of the crowd were chanting along with them.

"What the hell?" Florian asked.

"Oh, I'd gotten used to it." Meg assured. "It's quite normal, and they only do it to assholes like Charier." She caught sight of a nearby drinks table inside the lounge. "Wanna get drinks?"

"Sure." Florian agreed.

There was a cry of "Flagpole him! JUSTICE!"

Meg turned around and winced as Esme threw up all over the floor, narrowly missing the blonde freshman.

"Flagpole!" Kida hollered in response.

"Let's go see this." Meg decided, dashing into the lounge and grabbing two drinks. She then headed in the correct direction.

"Right with you." Florian muttered, following her.

* * *

An hour later, the party was even crazier. People had abandoned the mixers and were just taking straight-up swigs from the bottles of alcohol. Meg surveyed her friends. Esmeralda was draping herself onto Shang. She was a green-eyed, dark-skinned curtain. Mulan and Flynn were making out in the middle of the corridor. A drunken Merida and Audrey were hollering badly along to Single Ladies.

"Oh God!" Florian exclaimed in horror.

Meg grimaced. "Yeah, everyone's either got drunk or drunker. Let's get something- _with mixer, _mind you- and go sit somewhere else.

They slid into the janitor's closet, but in there they found Ariel Aquarelle, sobbing into a confused-looking Eric's shirt. "I knew it… but Eric, I love you! I love you!" The redhead sobbed ever harder.

"What did you do to her?" Meg growled.

"Why would you care? You guys don't even know each other!"

"Because I want to know if you're an asshole." the Greek girl answered simply.

"Nothing! She has some idea that I made out with her sister, but I didn't!" He turned to face his freshman girlfriend. "Ariel, I swear. One group project. There's no need to get so freaked out about it! Please."

Florian and Meg left the closet, and returned to the hallway, where a drunk-off-her-ass Jasmine Sultan was crying into Malina's shoulder. Meg heard the words "K-mart", "Liar", and the all-time guy-lie "Promised to change!"

"Sister." Meg interrupted, laughing as Malina glared at her. "Guys don't change. If Aladdin's messing up, then dump him."

"I caaaaan't!" the Arabian girl wailed, slumping onto Meg. She was soon passed out.

"Hey, Kuzco!" Malina called, seeing an opportunity for escape.

"Way-way-way-wait." Meg protested, reaching out and dragging Malina back. "This is your friend. You deal with her."

"Come on. I have a guy. And she's just my roommate and I deal with her the whole time. We're not even very good friends." Malina whispered the last part.

"Come on. You have Kuzco. Doesn't count. And she has even less to do with me." Meg hissed, heaving Jasmine onto Malina."

"I don't want to! You take her!"

"You take her!"

"You take her!"

"You're normally so nice, Mal, what happened?"

"It's my night off! First in a month! Now take her!"

"I barely know her! Your job."

"Haven't you ever wanted to spend time with a guy? Don't be so heartless!"

"Actually, guys suck-" This was interrupted with a "Hey!" from Florian, but he was ignored. Meg continued. "-so, no, I have not really wanted to spend time with one. Except that one but he's dating Snow White, sooooo… he's just a friend and doesn't count. Anyhow, my point is that you take-" Malina had gone. "Shit." Meg cursed. "Shit… hey, Sultan, can you walk properly?"

"Mmmpph… Aladdinzzz… changnthe…." the girl drunkenly moaned.

"Hey… Belle!" Meg yelled, grabbing the startled brunette.

"What?" she asked.

"I got you a present!" Meg mock-squealed, shoving the passed-out Jasmine into Belle's arms. "Later skater!" The Greek girl grabbed Florian's arm and dragged him through the crowd, ignoring Belle's shouts of annoyance.

Phew…


	16. Party People in the House Tonight Part 2

Meg opened the door to her room. Inside it and making out on the floor were two people that she didn't even think she knew. "Out." she snapped. "Just, out. Why this is acceptable behaviour I don't know, but out." The couple didn't move. The Greek girl hissed in annoyance, walked over, and poked the dude with her foot.

"Sorry!" he shouted. "Didn't know this was someone's room. Mulan, let's go."

"Mulan…?" Meg wondered, switching on the light. The occupants of her room had been Mulan and a black guy in a green shirt.

"Mulan and Wasabi?" Florian wondered, looking incredulous. "Is she on a mission to hook up with everyone?"

Meg shrugged. "Probs. Anyhow, let's get back to the party. It may be crazy and loud, but that's always fun."

* * *

Florian and Meg were weaving their way through the hallways when they were accosted by a high-off-her-ass Pocahontas Powhatan, a hippie chick who had worked with Esmeralda on some environmental thing in the past. "Hey guys! Can you paint?"

"Can I paint what? Art isn't my major… ask Quasi?" Meg answered, eyeing the girl sceptically.

There was a sloppy smile on Poca's face. "Noooo… not that, silly… the wind!"

"The wind?" Now she was confused.

"Can you paint with the colours?" the Native American questioned, gesturing exasperatedly around her.

"I'm sorry, what?" Meg was about to leave when Pocahontas pulled at her jacket.

"Can you paint with all the colours of the wind? 'Cause I can! I can!" The girl brandished an imaginary paintbrush and flicked her hand out wildly.

"There's nothing there." Meg deadpanned.

"Whatever. Hey, hey John!" Poca grabbed at a blond boy who was passing. He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "John, baby, I can paint… with all the wind colours."

Just then, Flynn Rider passed, laughing his smug little ass off.

"RIDER!" roared John. "I leave her with you for one moment and you feed her pot? What even the hell, man? Great…" The blond boy looked helplessly between his girlfriend and Rider. Meg nodded as a sign of 'I'll help you' and grabbed Rider's collar.

"What are you gonna do?" the guy scoffed.

"Merida! Audrey!" Meg bellowed, hoping in vain that they'd hear her.

"Oh, not her, not her!" Flynn started freaking out. Serves the ass right.

"Coming, Megara!" Audrey's voice floated over the crowd. Phew. It sounded like Audrey, at least, had sobered up a bit. This was perfect. Drunk enough to do stupid things for her, but not so drunk that they were incapable of doing _anything…_

"We were headin' this way any way!" Merida continued. That was also a non-drunk voice. This was useful…

The two girls arrived after a lot of pushing, dodging and swearing. "What d'you need?" Merida asked. Audrey punched her left fist into her right palm, in preparation.

"Rider fed this girl pot and she's completely out of it."

"Look, the tree's talking!" Poca screamed, tugging on her boyfriend's arm. "It's talking!"

Meg indicated the girl as an explanation.

"Oh. Shit." Merida commented, taking over Meg's collar-holding duties and swaying slightly. "Come on, Audrey. Now what were you gonna tell me?"

The two walked off, dragging Flynn along with them. "I was going to tell you that Kida filmed our Single Ladies performance." Audrey sighed.

"Oh double shit. I wish I'd been drunk enough to forget, but I wasn't. Uncomfortable limbo stage." Merida lamented.

"John, can you paint with me?"

That shocked them all into actually doing something. "Where's her room?" Meg demanded.

"Dunno. Never been. We've only just started dating, y'know."

The Greek girl glared. "Great help you are." John held his hands up in defence, as Meg sighed and collared a passing Tiana. "Tiana, do you know where Pocahontas's room is?"

"Mmm. I think she shares with Honey, on the third floor." Tiana wondered. "Or maybe she shares with Cinderella on the second floor… IDK." Meg could see that the Louisianan was almost begging not to be asked about Naveen. A nice person would leave that alone.

Unfortunately for Tiana, Meg wasn't and had never been 'a nice person'. "And what's happening with Naveen?"

"Nothing. It was stupid and I was drunk."

"You think you were drunk." Meg smirked.

"Of course I was drunk." Tiana huffed. "Lottie was feeding me cocktails all evening. I'm sober now and I'm gonna go chew her out about it. Later, guys."

Meg cackled to herself for a few seconds, before realising that Florian and John were staring at her like 'what even the hell, girl?'

"Well, I'm going to find Honey." Meg muttered. "Cindy shares with Aurora anyways."

"Oh my gosh, Pocahontas, I've been looking for you!" Honey Lemon squealed, coming up towards them.

"Is she your roommate?" Meg questioned.

"Yeah. What happened to her?" Honey questioned.

"Rider gave her pot." John hissed.

"Asshole!" Honey exclaimed under her breath.

"I've got two of my friends dealing with him, don't worry." Meg reassured. "Can you take her? I've done nothing this evening apart from dealing with drunk slash high people."

"Oh, certainly. This isn't my kind of thing anyway- I was only out here to look for Poca." Honey replied. "Have fun… Megara, right? Megara?"

"Megara it is, but it's shortened to Meg." Meg explained.

"Yeah… Esmeralda's mentioned you." the blonde smiled. "She's never said anything bad, just to clarify."

Meg snorted. "Esme loves me. And she knows everyone."

Honey nodded in agreement. "Yeah… she really does… see you around, Meg! And have fuuuunnn!" She propped up her roommate and headed off to her room. She was surprisingly strong for such a beanpole of a woman. Ah well, whatever.

"How many incapacitated people have you dealt with now?" Florian questioned.

"Hercules, Jasmine and Pocahontas. Three. Get drunk with me, please. I should be having more fun than this."

"You really should." Florian agreed, and the two made their way to a small pile of vodka and mixer bottles.

* * *

"Hi! Meg! Meg, Meg, Meg! Are you having fun? I'm having fun!" Rapunzel squealed, approaching them. "I never knew… I can't believe I did Freshman year online- college is so cool! I love it! Eeeeeee! Isn't Flynn awesome?"

"Yeah, it's not like he gave that Pocahontas chick pot or anything." Florian muttered.

"Are you drunk?" Meg queried dully.

"Maybe… this is like my fifth drink." Rapunzel laughed, sloshing it onto the hall carpet. "It tastes so good, did you know that? This is amaaaaaaziiiiing! Yaaaaaaaay! I'm gonna find Anna. You wanna find Anna?"

"Four." Florian commented, seeing the Greek girl's pissed-off expression.

"Give me that." Meg grabbed Rapunzel's pink drink. "Punzie, go to bed. Please. Where's Giselle?"

"I'll take her." Esme smiled, approaching. "Come on- AH!" The girl was clearly not at all sober, and had fallen to the ground, her purple heels being the cause of the tumble.

"Where's Giselle?" Meg repeated, picking up her friend.

"Esme, are you OK?" Shang slurred, coming after her. He was also holding a drink. "Can you help me find Mulan? I need her…"

"Hey, where's Mulan?" Flynn asked, approaching. "Also, can someone hide me from the crazy Scottish lady chasing me?"

"Caught him!" Audrey smiled triumphantly, collaring Flynn, who shrieked and squirmed. "Merida's coming…" the Latina smirked. Soon enough, Merida arrived and they both dragged him off.

"Es, can I borrow your phone?" Meg asked, figuring that her extroverted friend would probably have the number she needed.

When her friend failed to reply, instead choosing to try and distract Shang from Mulan, who was grinding against Wasabi, Meg grabbed her small gold bag and found Esme's purple Sony Xperia. She knew her friend's password, so all she had to do was find the correct contact.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Esmeralda… you are not Esmeralda." the girl said suspiciously. "This party is a nightmare, everyone's drunk and who's taking care of them? Me!"

"I get you, sister. Could you please come collect your roommate? She's had a bit too much alcohol."

Giselle huffed in annoyance, but agreed. "Fine." she muttered. "Where the heck are you?"

"Second floor. Outside Poca and Honey's room."

"OK. Stay there, I'm coming."

"You know Giselle?" Florian asked when Meg put the phone back in Esme's bag and handed the bag to her friend.

"Eh. Her boyfriend tried to hit on me a couple weeks ago. So I know her slightly. And we did one group project freshman year with Eric."

"OK, great, whatever." he muttered. "Y'know, my roommate, Hercules-"

Meg held out a hand to stop him. "Say nothing about Hercules."

"He really likes you."

"Yeah, I know."

"So why'd you always act like such a bitch to him?"

"Because… I…"

"You have no good reasons, do you?" Florian smirked triumphantly.

"Shut up asshole. Let's get drunk. Where the hell is Giselle?"

"I'm here… aww, Punzie, why…? Anyway, I'mma take her back now. See ya Meg." The ginger walked off with a wave, supporting her roommate.

"That's great. Let's get drunk." Meg repeated, tugging on Florian's arm. "Pleeeaase?"

"OK." He picked up a few bottles. "Bring on the alcohol."

Halfway through their second drinks, Florian brought up Wonderboy again. "Seriously, Meg, Hercules is a good guy. He'll be great. You should give him a chance."

Meg didn't even grace him with a response as she downed the rest of her drink.

"Oh my God it's the real Beyonce!" some girl screamed, pointing at Meg.

"How drunk are they?" Florian questioned sardonically.

"I'm sick of dealing with drunk people." Meg sulked like a child. Then she brightened. "I've got it! The thing is, to deal with them we must become like them." She picked up a third drink and took a huge gulp. "Mmm. Yep, this is helping."

"Right with you, Megara." Florian quipped, doing likewise.

"Let's get absolutely bloody wasted." they agreed in unison, bumping cups.


	17. The Morning After

**Sorry this is a few days later than usual. I was on a camping weekend and didn't have much time for writing.**

Megara Sarkis opened her eyes and realised she was in Hercules's room, on top of Florian Webster, with a horrified Snow White standing over them.

"What on earth?" squeaked the girl. "Hello? Who are you and why are you on my boyfriend?"

"Megara Sarkis. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." she introduced slyly, hurriedly standing up. At least she was wearing her clothes. Immediately the hangover kicked in and the Greek girl flopped unceremoniously into the small armchair, massaging her head.

Snow walked over and poked her sleeping boyfriend. "Wake up!" she demanded shrilly. Florian grunted and groaned for a second, before shooting up in pure terror. "Wha-ha?"

"Care to explain?" The raven-haired girl attempted a menacing look.

Florian sighed. "Snow, this is not what it looks like. There was a party last night-"

"Which you did not tell me about?"

"It was short notice, K? Megara came into my room, and-"

"You little- you came onto him!" Snow hissed.

"Hey!" Meg bellowed, shooting a self-inflicted pain through her forehead. "I am many things, but a slut I am not! I dragged Hercules in here last night, saw Florian and invited him to the party!" She wisely left out the part about almost seeing him in his birthday suit. That wasn't necessary and should never be spoken about again.

"OK... but why were you two sleeping together? You better have a half-decent explanation for this…"

"God's sakes, Snow, we're wearing clothes." Florian put in. He swung his legs out of bed and indicated his dark jeans and white shirt.

"Whatever." Snow sniffed. "Talk to you later, I have class. Bye." She marched out.

* * *

Esmeralda Mollenhaur woke up draped across a muscly Chinese boy by the name of Li Shang, her head pounding. She could just about remember her terrible hookup- Shang had been weeping incoherently throughout most of it, and Esmeralda caught the word "Mulan" quite a few times.

Just then, her stomach clenched and, knowing what was about to come, she ran to the bathroom.

"Ah! Ah! Get out!" a guy, presumably the Chinese boy's roommate, screamed. Esmeralda shrugged apologetically, knowing that she couldn't go anywhere, and proceeded to hurl in the toilet. Possibly some of the most awkward vomiting one could do… she could hear the guy showering. And groaning.

Thank God that shower was made of frosted glass.

* * *

Fa Mulan lay back on the pillows, feeling like crap. There were two men either side of her- Wasabi Wayans and Flynn Rider. How she ended up in bed with both of them was an utter mystery, but she remembered flashes of her night, and they were good flashes. It had definitely been fun, but pretty low for a girl to go.

There was a knock on the door.

"Excuse me? Who locked me out of my room? _I was almost forced to crash in Coach David's room- _thank God Helga saved me from that_. _But, I digress. Whoever you are, open the hell up."

_Oh shit._

It was the RA for their dorm, Nani Pelekai. Mulan knew that the bed she was in was a double, and the room was way too nice to belong to any student around here. She really should have clocked that earlier.

"Open the door!" Nani screamed. "This is ridiculous? Who is in here?"

Mulan sat up, unwrapped herself from the two sleeping males either side of her and realised that she'd just had a threesome in her RA's bed. There was a condom wrapper on the floor, as well as her yellow, modern-Chinese style minidress and her white lacy bra. She quickly slipped them on, preparing to- IDK, leave? Maybe… she wasn't quite sure of a game plan quite yet…

"Open the damn door!"

The flashbacks were coming thick and fast. Hooking up with Flynn, then Wasabi. Unhooking Flynn from Merida's coat hooks, then hooking up with him again. Drunk Wasabi finding them but not really caring. Seeing the RA's door open with a sign that said Will Be Back Later, Out With Friends (And I know you guys are having a party. You're lucky I'm chill). Then Drunk her, Drunk Wasabi and Drunk Flynn thinking that it was a great idea to sneak in and lock the door. And have a threesome.

In short: SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

"Right, I'm coming in." Nani decided, pushing open the door. Mulan could only stand frozen by Nani's nightstand.

"Excuse me?" Nani demanded, taking in the scene. Two guys were asleep in her bed. A girl was standing on the right side of the bed, clearly preparing to leave. She was planning to Walk of Shame it to, judging by the gold heels and short dress. "What are you doing in here? Argh, I should have never left my door open. WAKE UP!" she bellowed, shocking Flynn and Wasabi into waking up. Wasabi nearly jumped out of bed, but luckily for him he saw his boxers on the floor before he could flash to the furious Hawaiian.

"Aw, man, what's- GAH!" Flynn yelled, around the same time.

"Good morning." Nani scowled. If this had been a cartoon, steam would have been coming from her ears. "You three have two minutes to be decent and out of here. I expect new sheets by tonight. Oh, and you're cleaning the carpets of the first and second floors as my personal punishment, OK? They're as disgraceful as _this." _The angry Hawaiian woman gestured around her.

"Miss, you can't-"

"Do you want me to call Dean Malley? 'Cause I can make that happen." she threatened, hand on her hip.

"No." they answered, sighing. Anything was better than the Maleficent.

* * *

Rapunzel Corona stretched and yawned, sun streaming in through the curtains. Normally sun was nice, but today it was awful. The brunette pulled her pillow over her head and moaned into her mattress. She could hear her roommate bustling about and humming a tune to herself. They normally did this sort of thing together, but not today. Maybe she shouldn't have had five pink drinks last night…

The five pink drinks threatened to make a reappearance. Rapunzel shoved the pillow off her head and dashed to the toilet, groaning as the pink drinks splashed into the toilet.

"Sweetie, are you OK?" Giselle asked once Rapunzel staggered out of the bathroom and flopped back onto her bed.

"No." she answered bluntly. "I feel terrible, my head is pounding and I've just thrown up in the bathroom."

Giselle sniffed the air, screwed up her face and started to spray her perfume in the bathroom's vicinity. "Girl, I had to drag you back here last night, K? Be grateful."

"I'm very grateful." Rapunzel replied.

The ginger giggled. "Sure you are. I'm gonna go see if Cindy has a painkiller." She skipped out of the room. How could she be so perky?

"I'm not sure if I like alcohol." she said to herself, sighing.

* * *

Merida Dunbroch opened her eyes, feeling sick as a dog. She felt like she was about to throw up, and wanted to get to the loo, but it sounded like Audrey had beaten her to that- the bathroom door was open and puke was clearly hitting the toilet. They appeared to be in Mulan's room, with Mulan not actually coming back to the room. The bed was Merida's, so Audrey must have slept in Mulan's bed.

"Ack!" Audrey spat into the sink, rinsing her mouth and returning to the room. "I just puked in your loo. Sorry."

"'S fine." Merida murmured, turning over. Her stomach turned and the Scot leapt out of bed. "I'm about to do the same thing."

Just then the Latina's phone beeped. Audrey checked it and her eyes went wide. "Mierda!" she hissed. "Papi's been looking for me! I'm in so much trouble. I better call him." She tapped on her phone, looking reluctant.

"Mmph." Merida tried to make a sympathetic sound but it was hard when you were bent double barfing into your loo.

"Hi, Papi."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's just that I have friends in the college and one of them invited me to a party, so I went and-"

"No, not at all. Some of them bring their cars round, so I meet them like that."

"I'm eighteen years old! Come on! You can't!"

"I'm so sorry, really I am! I should have left a note, it's just… I thought you'd be mad."

"I get it, I get it."

"You want me to do what now?"

"Fine…" Audrey put down the phone. "I have to do extra hours for the next two weeks as a punishment, but it was so worth it- and at least I'm not grounded. I had lots of fun, Merida. Thanks."

"Do you feel alright?" Merida asked, raising her head and moving to the sink.

"Yeah… actually, nope." Audrey ran in and shoved the redhead out of the way.

* * *

Hercules Strongman woke up to find The Crush of His Life, Megara Sarkis, leaving his bedroom. "Hey Meg!" he yelled. "Uhhh, how are you?"

"What do you want?" she replied snappishly.

"Why are you in here? Just, y'know, a question…" he trailed off awkwardly.

She laughed. "Oh, oh, yeah, me and Florian went to the party last night."

WHAT? WHAT? How could his roommate betray him like this? He knew that Megara Sarkis was the crush of his life, and now they went to the party together? What the hell? And wasn't he dating that Snow White chick? Why would Megara go for such an asshole and not go for him?

"Why are you wearing that face? As friends, you idiot. Not that you should care…"

Oh. Phew.

"Yeah, and you missed Snow White's freakout. I fell asleep on Florian's bed…"

Oh that lucky bastard! What an actual…

"And she completely freaked out when she came in here this morning. Oh don't look like that. Nothing happened."

Phew….

"I think."

Damn.

"Plus, it was so funny! You completely passed out, like, way early, and I had to carry you back here. That's the only reason I found Florian. I was lonely."

Aww, poor girl.

"Maybe if you hadn't been such a sloppy drunk I would have spent time with you." she finished, finally leaving the room.

"Truth hurts, man." Florian commented. "Why are you wearing that face?"

* * *

Kida Nedakh woke up snuggled close to her boyfriend Milo Thatch. She felt pretty hungover, but probably quite a lot less awful than most of her peers. At least she was in her own room- and Vanessa hadn't come back so she couldn't bitch about room-hooking-up.

"Ugh…" Milo groaned, waking up. "Morning, Kida."

"How are you?" she asked, smiling.

"Feeling terrible. I'm not as good at alcohol as you and we had the same drinks last night." Milo muttered. He turned round to face her. "What the hell happened to your face?"

"Excuse me?" she questioned.

"Sorry, sorry, that came out wrong. You seem to have a bit of ink…"

"Aww shit." Kida groaned. "Not again."


	18. Churchy Challenge

**I just realised that in the last chapter I referred to Frollo as a teacher. I removed it after a couple of hours when I realised as was working on this one, but for anyone who saw it, he isn't a teacher. I replaced it… why is this tidbit important, you ask? You shall find out. **

"Ugh…" Kida groaned, slumping into the lounge. "My face hurts. Why did I get tattoos?"

"Because you're an idiot when you're drunk." Meg answered from where her face was squashed into an armrest.

"Well, look at you. Florian says you only got drunk because he started to bring up Wonderboy." Esmeralda muttered.

"At least I didn't have to throw up while a guy took a shower." Meg retorted, as Mulan, Merida and Kida started laughing. Audrey had gone home soon after they had all woken up, and the guys were talking amongst themselves in a different lounge. There were two in the building. "And at least I didn't sleep with people in Nani's bed."

"Do shut up. I was just trying to have a good time."

"While I distracted Shang from your slut antics." Esme teased. "He was the worst hookup and I did NOT get my rebound."

"I'm sorry, OK? But really, he has no right to freak out over the shit I pull."

"Hear, hear!" Meg agreed; she was still slightly annoyed over Hercules' annoyance at her waking up in bed with Florian. Were they dating? Hell no. Was it his business? Not at all. Should he care? Definitely not.

"Giselle had to drag me back." Rapunzel sighed ruefully. "She wasn't very pleased this morning when she woke me up. She seems pretty good at hangovers."

"We were the ones taking care of all you drunk ones." Meg put in. "This was my night. I had to drag Hercules back to his dorm- _it's nice to return favours!_" she said to Esme's suggestive look. "And then I had to find someone to take care of Jasmine Sultan."

Esmeralda tutted sympathetically. "Aladdin screwin' up again?"

"Probs." Meg shrugged. "Anyway, I got her to Belle, which is all I could do about it. Then Pocahontas was high off her ass- thanks to your guide, Punzie- and your hookup, Mulan- so I had to find Honey and foist her off and then I got drunk. So there."

"You're just avoiding the Wonderboy problem." Kida accused.

"Well, it's [beeping] obvious!" Merida snorted.

"Girl, tell us about it." Mulan said.

Meg put her hands on her hips. "No. Nothing to do with that. And since when were you three all about the girl talk? You drag unconscious guys around at regular intervals!"

"Because you so obviously like him." Mulan replied.

"Ex-cuse me, Mulan, but you really can't talk." Meg shot back. The Chinese girl shrugged, smirked, and put her hands on her hips.

"Shang!" Kida coughed.

* * *

"Why does Grooves want me to meet him in the other lounge?" Esmeralda complained as they did homework the next evening. The Romani was reading the A4 paper that had been slipped under the door. "Oh… he wants you to come as well."

"Psh." Meg scoffed. "What could he want? Tips on how to get a better haircut?"

"Kuzco is not the… safest guy. He almost got a whole village destroyed a couple years ago. Dude's rich- I should know, Vanessa dated him- why, I don't know- maybe it was _for _the money- but I digress. The point is, we should… just go. It'll be easier."

And that's how Megara Sarkis ended up sitting in a circle containing Jasmine, Esmeralda, Mulan, Kida and Lottie, waiting for Kuzco to show up and tell them what this was all about and why they were all there.

"What does Grooves want with us?" Jasmine demanded. "What do we all have in common?"

"We all got piss-drunk at that party that Rider set up." Mulan shrugged.

Lottie giggled. "Yeah, didn't you threesome in-"

"NOPE!" Mulan held out a hand. "I refuse to talk about this. Talk about something else, damn you!"

Not being used to Mulan, the blonde's eyes grew wide in fear and she shrugged noncommittally. "OK."

"Great, great!" Jasmine said, rolling her eyes. "Now can we go back to figuring out why Grooves wants us? I mean, we did all get piss drunk at his party, but we weren't the only girls like that. What about Merida, Vanessa, Rapunzel, Anna etc.? What about them? Why ain't they here?"

There were murmurs of agreement throughout the room, just as Kuzco Grooves stepped through the door. "Hello, ladies." he greeted. 'How are you?"

"Great, thanks, Kuz." Lottie answered, twirling a piece of hair around her finger.

"Grooves, get to the point." Meg snapped. "The point being to tell us why we're here."

"Oh, that. I wanted to ask you, how are you doing on your challenge?"

"WHAT CHALLENGE?" everyone shrieked furiously.

"The challenge I set you the night before last."

"Aw, come on, Kuz, we were drunk. We can't remember agreeing to no challenge." Lottie batted her mascara-clogged eyelashes.

"You signed contracts." he said. "You are to steal a Bible each from the church nearby. It's very simple."

"Why?" Esmeralda asked furiously.

"Be-cause… I want one. And it'll be fun. For me." the asshole clarified.

"Why should we agree to this?" Jasmine snapped.

"You signed a contract. If you do not carry out my task, you have to do all my assignments for the rest of the year. See?" He waved the pieces of paper around. Contracts that not one of the girls remembered seeing or signing that night.

"This time I really am never drinking again." Lottie pouted.

Esme shook her head. "Asshole…" she hissed.

"What if we strangle him, guys, that might work?" Meg asked excitedly.

"That's ridiculous!" Jasmine yelled. "We'll just get done for murder!"

"Merida has a book on how to get away with murder…" Mulan considered.

"Guys!" Jasmine yelled. "Let's just steal the Bibles and be done with it. I have a seven-seater car that we could use, and we'll get them back to this douchebag and not have to do extra assignments!"

"Fine…" everyone groaned.

"Let's do this." Meg mock-fist-pumped.

* * *

"So… this is the church." Esmeralda trailed off, looking at the worn church in front of her. "This is what Grooves gave us…"

"Holy shit!" Jasmine shouted. "What a douchebag! I'm pretty sure that this is the church that is practically run by a racist, fanatical guy who hates literally… I dunno, humanity? Being nice? Shiiiit…"

"Shit indeed." Meg quipped.

"What-the-ever!" Kida dismissed. "Let's just grab the Bibles and get out."

The group had entered the church and were hurriedly searching for Bibles- ransacking cupboards, checking pews and peering behind various bits of furniture.

Just as Esme had found the Bibles, the creepiest voice ever rang throughout the church.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

Crap.

Kida, Jasmine and Meg ducked under the altar, Lottie dashed behind a pew to hide, and Mulan had curled up in a cupboard. "Where's Esme?" Meg hissed. She wouldn't admit it, but she was worried for her friend. What could this insane 'Frollo' guy do? "You made him sound pretty bad." Meg commented to Jasmine, remembering to whisper.

"It's true, though. Last year I came in here by mistake 'cause I got the wrong address. Imagine my surprise when I thought that Jim wanted to meet me in this church. He really ain't that kinda guy." Kida put in.

Despite the situation, Meg laughed a little. "Yeah. Last time I heard he was doing time for robbery."

Meanwhile, Frollo had cornered Esmeralda. "What are you doing?" he asked again.

"Nothing." Esmeralda squeaked. "I'm just looking for the Holy Book. Found it!" She laughed nervously and waved around the Bible.

"People of your kind do not belong here." He gave her a dirty look and ripped the Bible out of her hand. "And you certainly should not be allowed access to the Holy Book of Our Lord. Get out, gypsy girl, before I make you. Is there anyone else like _you_ in here?"

"N-no." Esmeralda stuttered. Even the fiery, passionate Roma was cowed by the sinister Frollo. "It's just me."

"I wish to close this church. Vacate the house of God, if you will." He pointed at an open door at the side of the church. Esmeralda, not wanting to leave the others, quickly concealed herself behind the same door. Frollo looked around, and seemed to be satisfied. He promptly left.

What no-one else heard was the creaking of an ancient key.

After a few seconds, the girls stood up. "Man!" Mulan exclaimed, rolling her shoulders back and exaggeratedly stretching out. "That was a tight fit. Maybe I need to cool down on the chocolate."

There were a few nervous laughs as everyone quickly grabbed a Bible and stowed them in Lottie's huge pink tote.

Kida rattled on the door. "What the [beep]?"

"Are they locked?" Meg asked.

Kida bit her lip and pulled a worried face. "Yep." she confirmed.

"Shit." Jasmine deadpanned. There was really no better response to this situation than that.

"Shit is correct." Meg huffed. "What are we gonna do now? Sleep in the church?"

"Looks like we'll have too." Esmeralda replied with a gloomy air hanging around her words.

"Wait, are you serious?" Meg snapped to attention. "I was joking… they can't all be locked."

"Well, they are." Jasmine huffed. "It seriously looks like we'll be sleeping here tonight."

"[beep] Grooves." Kida muttered.

"[beep] my life." Meg countered.

**Sorry this took forever. I was being a procrastinator! I know this is an odd chapter, but… goddamnit, I had to get Frollo in there somehow. (I don't care about the fact that this story is set in America!)**


	19. Camping in a Church

**Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! I know that I haven't posted in a while! I have exams, and I was working on other things too, but I am back! I will try and keep to a more regular schedule after my exams are done- once or twice a week, I hope. **

"AH NOOOOO!" Meg's scream pierced the silent air of the church.

Esmeralda looked up from Lottie's nails, which she was painting. "What?"

"Phone died." the Greek grunted.

Her friend was unsympathetic.

"Awwww, boo-[beeping]-hoo, now you have to interact with other people. Come here and paint our toenails."

Meg considered this briefly, but huffed and obliged. It wasn't like there was anything else better to do. Mulan was trying to work out a combat strategy with books (whaaaat…?) and a very tired Kida was curled up like a cat as she slept on the the altar. Esmeralda was painting Lottie's nails, while Jasmine worked on her toes.

"Why do you have that stuff?" Meg questioned.

"A girl can always have a chipping emergency on her hands- literally!." Lottie insisted. "Now, can I paint your nails? Please! Please please please! PLEEEEAAAASE!"

"Fine." Meg deadpanned, if only to stop the blonde talking.

"Yay!" Lottie squealed, dragging Meg over to where the others were. "Now, what colour do you want? I've got dark pink, purple pink, pastel pink, just plain ol' pink in it's purest form… but I think we should go for sugar pink!"

* * *

Meg blew on her nails, wearing a disgruntled expression. Lottie had indeed painted her nails a rather loud sugar pink. Esmeralda had managed to get away with a deep, understated purple-pink colour, and Jasmine had it on her toenails, so it was fine for her. Not so for the Greek girl. She wasn't sure how much more Lottie she could take.

"So, what's up wi' that boyfriend of yours?" Lottie questioned, phone at the ready. "What's he up to?"

"He got done for stealing. Again." Jasmine sighed. "I got shitfaced at that damn party and went round telling everybody about it. I got drunker after I met you, Meg- y'know, that's probably why I'm here. I'm going to kill Grooves when we get out of here."

Kida's phone rang. The white-haired girl shrieked and tumbled off the altar. "Mother[beeping] shit [beep] ahhhh!" she screamed. "Who rang me?"

"MEGARA SARKIS!" A furious Scottish shriek came from Kida's phone. "KIDA NEDAKH! FA MULAN! ESMERALDA MOLLENHAUR! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"Well, that's nice." Jasmine snarked. Just then her phone rang.

Belle's voice could be heard from the phone. "LOTTIE LABOUFF! JASMINE SULTAN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"Um, locked in the local church?" Meg answered hopefully.

"What the hell." Merida asked. It wasn't even a question.

"Grooves blackmailed us into doing this while we were drunk." Kida explained.

"Asshole." Merida muttered. "He tried to get me to do it, because he thought I was drunk, but I wasn't so drunk that I had no sense, so I kicked him in the balls."

"So that's why he was grasping his downstairs when he found me…" Lottie trailed off. "I took another drink and I'm blank from that."

"Indeed." Jasmine remarked.

"Well, sur-ree. That sucks. Tell me about it when you get home, because you all have some explaining to do. Laters."

"Thanks for that." Belle signed off too.

"Ugggggh!" Esmeralda groaned, slumping her head into her lap. "Should we try and get some sleep. It must be late now."

Lottie whipped out her phone. "8.30. Does anyone have data left?"

"Um, I'm over my limit." mumbled mostly everyone.

The blonde girl pouted. "I wish we had Ariel and her hoarding tendencies with us! She'd probably have SOMETHING on her!"

Kida smirked. "Let's play never have I ever."

Everyone ran to sit on pews. Meg, Esmeralda and Mulan sat behind the three others, who knelt and turned around. The six girls all held up ten fingers.

Lottie bounced happily in her pew. "Never have I ever gotten into a physical fight."

Meg, Mulan, Esmeralda and Kida put a finger down, sighing.

"Ooh, Meg, didn't take you for the type." Jasmine frowned.

"Hey, I punched the shit out of Hans freshman year." Meg defended.

"The guy who totally broke the Arendelle sisters."

"Yeah." Kida mused. "They're winning their case."

"Ohhh YEAH, I'm so happy for them!" Meg gushed, her happier side coming out.

"So great." Esmeralda sighed. "Anyways, back on track. Never have I ever had a threesome."

Mulan shot her quite possibly one of the most evil glares ever to exist, while Jasmine downplayed the lowering of her right pinky. Unfortunately, Meg spotted her.

"Ooh, Jasmine, didn't take you for the type." the Greek girl mocked.

Jasmine just gave a defeated sigh. "I deserved that. It was senior year in high-school. God, I was a slut back then."

"No, we're not demeaning ourselves like that." Esmeralda chided. "People, let's go!"

"Never have I ever had beer." Kida smirked as Meg, Mulan, Esmeralda and Jasmine lowered their fingers.

Lottie preened. "I like my pink drinks just fine." she declared, high-fiving Kida.

"Hahaha. My go. Never have I ever flagpoled a dude." Jasmine laughed as Mulan and Kida brought down their respective fingers.

"All right, me!" Meg called. "Never have I ever…cheated on someone."

Esmeralda, Jasmine and Kida sighed as they put fingers down.

"Told you I was a slut." Jasmine put in.

"Shh." Esmeralda replied. "There ain't nothing wrong with sleeping with people."

"Eh." Jasmine shrugged. "Never have I ever knowingly been the other woman.'

"Well, if I was almost the other woman but then I broke it off when I discovered it, does that count?" Lottie asked. "Tia's great though, she deserved it. Though Naveen woulda been a fine catch-!"

"I knew it!" Meg declared.

"Girl, we all knew that." Esme sniffed. "I was the other woman in high-school and I was stupid." She put her finger down.

Mulan sighed in annoyance and put her finger down. Everyone looked at her- she wasn't really the type. "Whatever guys." she huffed. "Never have I ever failed a test."

Finally every single person put a finger down.

"Asian much?" Meg sniffed.

"Shut up."

* * *

"Esmeralda, are we ever going to get out of here?" Meg wondered. "What if we don't wake up before the creepy guy opens the church, and he catches us."

"Then we're [beep]ing doomed, darling." Esmeralda sighed. "Who has a phone with charge?"

"Me me me!" Lottie squealed, setting the alarm for seven.

The six girls had set out prayer pillows and several old jumpers they had found in random closets to sleep on. This was one of the most bloody uncomfortable nights Meg had ever lived through, excluding the time she went camping and forgot her sleeping bag. Even Kristoff's damn truck would've been a bit nicer.

It was as if Esmeralda could read her mind as she thought this- "I miss the truck."

"The truck?" Jasmine questioned. "Do enlighten me."

"Ah, I forgot you didn't know!" Meg realised. "Earlier this semester, I slept in a truck overnight."

"Because I got kidnapped." Kida put in. "But don't worry, I'm fine."

"What the hell kinda shit do you get into?" Jasmine yelled. "Jesus, and I thought Aurora getting pregnant and Giselle dating that older guy was eventful!"

"Who is it?" Lottie squealed.

"I'm not telling ya, 'cause you'd tell the whole of the student body." Jasmine snapped. "He doesn't even go here."

"Graduate, huh? Nice. Let's hope he has a real job." Esmeralda muttered, rolling over and fidgeting about.

"Oh he does. If they stay together, Giselle's got it made when she leaves." Jasmine revealed. "Anyway, we are now off-topic. What happened?"

"Well, you see, it starts like this. Remember Hans Southern? Well, he got a new girlfriend this year." Mulan began.

"Anna Arendelle. Major heiress. Tried to screw her and Elsa over to get their money. Elsa ran away, thinking she'd committed a crime, we went to collect her. We met this guy called Kristoff, and almost destroyed his truck." Kida continued.

"We got him a new one." Meg added. "Well, Anna paid, but… it was from ALL of us."

"And then I got kidnapped at a service station." Kida sighed. "It wasn't fun. I got beaten up a lot, but it was only for a night because then these guys came to collect me. Milo got taken too, but Mulan saved us both."

"That girl scares me." Lottie murmured.

"Nah, she's great." Esmeralda sighed.

"If you say so." Lottie replied.

"Don't let her hear you say that."

* * *

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Ugh…" Lottie moaned. She switched her phone to the selfie cam. "I look like shit."

"Who cares? Come on!" Esmeralda chided, pulling herself off the cushions and massaging her back. "Argh! Those are not soft."

"Agreed." Meg sat up, rubbing her shoulders.

"Oh, that's nothing guys!" Kida cried. "My head fell off, so my neck was stretched out for the whole night! And it HURTS!"

"Ow, my butt." Jasmine muttered, stretching out. "I'm going to murder Grooves when we get back."

"And I know fifty different ways to do it." Mulan quipped. Then her face broke into a smile. "Nah, I won't go that far. I'm not that scary. He'll be punished though. Merida, Kida, me- we're a team!"

"Go team then!" Jasmine replied. "Just do something about the asshole, OK? 'Cause that ain't really my forte."

"Agreed." Meg laughed.

"Totally!" Mulan agreed.

The girls talked as they sorted themselves out, moaning and bitching good-naturedly, while Mulan and Kida discussed appropriate measures to take against Kuzco. But they were silenced by Esmeralda's phone ringing, and, more importantly, the shocked gasp the girl gave when she saw who it was.

"Hello?"

"What?"

"OK."

The other five gave her questioning looks.

"Come on guys. We have to go to the Lumley Clinic. It's Phoebus."


	20. Reconciliations

"I don't understand." Meg said to her friend. "Didn't you guys break up?"

"He's badly hurt." Esmeralda turned to glare at her friend through tear-stained eyes. "The Army called me and they said that he wanted to see me. I can't just not go- what kind of person would do that to an injured man?"

"We don't mind." Jasmine smiled.

"Yeah, maybe you'll get back together!" Lottie clapped her hands.

"Always the romantic, aren't you?" Jasmine said from where she was driving.

"There's nothing bad about that, is there?" Lottie asked.

"Nah." Meg waved her hand. "Not at all."

Esmeralda sighed. "I don't know what he wants, but it's not far. I'm dropping you all off soon anyways."

"I'll go with you." Meg said immediately. "Jazz, I'm good at driving. Just trust me there." There ain't no way in hell that she was abandoning her best friend at this emotional time. Also, she rather liked her best friend, and with Esme all upset there was a good chance that her driving wouldn't end well.

"I have a class soon, and a bunch of homework." Mulan sighed.

"Me too. I've got Veterinary." Jasmine put in. "You can drive, I don't mind."

"Didn't know ya did that course." Kida murmured. "I need to leave too. I should probably explain everythin' to Merida. She's pissed."

"Oh crap! Belle!" Lottie shrieked. "Yeah, I'mma go too. Thanks for the ride."

Soon enough, the four girls had been dropped off. The drive to the hospital was mostly silent, with Esmeralda crying into her hands and using all of Jasmine's car tissues. Meg made a note to buy some new ones for the girl.

"We're here." Meg announced, trying to sound bright but failing miserably.

"O-OK." Esmeralda hiccupped, teetering unsteadily as the two walked towards the reception desk.

"Are you Esmeralda Mollenhaur?" the receptionist asked. Esmeralda tearily nodded. Meg sighed and fished out her friend's student ID.

"OK. He's in the Chamberlain Ward. Third floor, first door on the right if you use those elevators." The receptionist pointed at the nearest bank of elevators.

Meg and Esmeralda approached the ward. When they reached Phoebus's room, Meg took a seat from across the hall, while Esmeralda stared apprehensively at the door.

* * *

Esmeralda left her friend waiting outside before walking into his room. She couldn't help but gasp when she saw his many bandages and tubes. "Phoebus?" she asked. "Are you… are you OK?"

"I'll live, but-"

"OK then!" she interrupted, feeling slightly angry. "Can you explain yourself? You seem to be in a decent shape for talking, so explain yourself."

"Well, the CIA wanted a few soldiers to help out on a mission. My sergeant told me I was eligible, and I was so excited that I… I volunteered." he sighed, burying his face in his hand. "I would've taken it back, but I couldn't. I just couldn't."

"OK…" Esmeralda drew out. "What does that have to do with this at all?"

"I'm getting to that, just listen." he said desperately. "And I didn't want you to be devastated if I didn't make it… so…"

"So what? I'd still be upset!" Esmeralda shrieked.

"Please, please don't be mad. I broke up with you and acted cold just so… well would you mourn your boyfriend or your ex more?"

"I understand…but why? Why? You really broke me, and that almost ruined my first big speech."

"I'm sorry, I really am. I was just trying to protect you."

"I don't need protecting!" Esmeralda exclaimed. "I can handle it! You know how much I've handled! What do you take me for? Some weak little airhead who can't handle her emotions and shit?"

Phoebus was silent.

"So? Whatcha gonna say?" Esmeralda asked.

"I'm sorry." he said under his breath. The blond raised his voice. "Esmeralda, I'm really sorry. I never stopped loving you. Every day on this assignment I thought of you. All I wanted was to see you. Or just call you. You're the only girl I want, because you're one of a kind, Esmeralda Mollenhaur."

"Cheesy." Esmeralda gingerly flicked at his hand. She twisted her own about. "I haven't… seen anyone either. And I guess I've been thinking of you too."

And she bent down to kiss him. It was a reunion, exciting and passionate and desperate, Esmeralda thought to herself. She understood where he was coming from. After all, it was the intentions and not the actions that mattered more.

"Esmeralda?" he said sardonically when the couple emerged for air. "Have you forgiven me? I think you've forgiven me."

"Oh don't assume that." she quipped. "I'm still a bit mad. Just a bit mad."

"Will this help?" Phoebus smirked. "I think this will help." He pulled her into another kiss.

"I've missed you." she mumbled against his lips. She stood up straight "I'd stay longer… but I got class, OK? Call me." She grabbed her bag and started to the door. "I love you." she said to herself quietly as she left.

"So, details?" Meg demanded as they drove back to the college.

"I think we're good. We're not officially back together or anything, but… yeah, we're good. He only broke up with me so that if he died I wouldn't be as sad!" Esmeralda said. "And I got a bit mad, because I'm seriously not that weak, but…y'know, I know what he tried to do. He wanted to lessen the blow if things went pear-shaped, so… we're good." the Roma finished.

Meg smiled. Not one of her scary shark smiles, but the rare genuine smile that was only given to true friends. "That's nice. Congratulations. I don't do men, but Phoebus is decent and I would've been shocked if he was just an asshole." Esmeralda smiled back at her friend. "Now, can you look up the nearest service station. You used all of Jasmine's sweets and tissues, we're having a movie marathon with wine and popcorn in the lounge this weekend and…I want coffee."

"Right on it!" Esmeralda whipped out her phone. "There's one two miles ahead. And thanks for dealing with me."

The Greek girl laughed. "I should be thanking you. I may not show it, but I am very grateful to you for putting up with my crap."

Her friend just shrugged. "We share a room, what else can I do?"

"Change roommates?" Meg questioned, smirking.

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Miss Sarkis?"

"Maybe…" Meg mocked.

"Oh, don't act like the position of Meg's Best Friend is so in demand."

* * *

It was dark by the time the two got back to the college, but it was still only four-thirty in the afternoon. Everyone was just doing homework with music in the background, occasionally taking hour-long social media breaks. So a typical evening at the Walter Dorm.

Except for a certain few in the lounge.

Meg and Esmeralda arrived back to find Merida, Kida, Anna, Rapunzel, Hercules, Philip and Milo all sitting with their heads together, whispering.

"Right, you're back!" Rapunzel squealed. "Lottie and Jas filled us all in, so how's it going."

"We're cool." Esmeralda said, looking off into the distance.

"Yay!" Anna clapped her hands.

"Yer people are darn missing the point!" Merida snapped. "Let's focus on the real problem at hand."

"We're going all Much Ado About Nothing on Mulan and Shang." Milo revealed, trying to sound cool.

"Stop trying to sound cool." said Kida.

"What's that?" Hercules asked.

"It's a theatre. I mean a play. It's a play. By Shakespeare." Meg gabbled. Esmeralda gave her a look.

"Basically, we're setting them up." Philip said.

"So? How's it gonna work?" Esme asked, smiling.

"We only just met up!" Anna protested.

"So no freaking clue then." Meg declared.

"Well…" Hercules attempted to defend.

"Yeah, basically." Merida finished.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Aurora bellowed, striding onto the scene. "Philip, what the hell? You can't just leave me alone in my condition! Why didn't you bring me?"

"I asked you. You said you wanted to stay. Not that I blame you, because eating icing and watching Love Actually a month to early is great fun…" He stopped at everyone's quizzical looks. "Not that I've done that or anything."

"Yes you have, I've been doing it with you for years." Aurora snapped. "Now what are we doing? Is Meg going to insult me for being a slut again or something? Because I'm not."

"Get over it, that was- actually, it wasn't that long ago." Meg admitted. "Sorry."

"I feel like I should accept your apology, seeing as I did attack you with a hard object."

"Yeah. What was it that time?"

"I genuinely don't remember. Soz."

"Well, I'm sorry about that, Rora." Philip apologised. "In the meantime, do you want to help set up Shang and Mulan?"

"Oooooh!" Aurora squealed. "I ship it, I ship it. You bitches better ship it too!"

"Of course we do, that's why we're all here." Meg deadpanned.

"That's why we risk not finishing important essays." Kida continued.

"Even me." Milo added.

Aurora nodded. "That is impressive."

"Anything for the ship." Anna put in.

"For the ship, anything." Esmeralda beamed, spreading her hands out around her.

**Right, I'm sorry that it's been over a month, and unless I get another chapter out before Wednesday, it will be another two and a half weeks at least. I've just been so BUSY-argh! I will try and get this on track again.**


	21. Shipping And Celebrating

"WE WON!" Anna screamed, running into the lounge and falling over a side table. Her sister rolled her eyes and helped her up.

"Oh, your case!" Mulan exclaimed. "YES!"

"Hans is in JAIL and Elsa's FREE and AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! Just in time for December too!" It was already the twenty-fifth of November. Christmas fever was everywhere.

"I'm happy you're happy, but do we get anything out of it?" Meg joked.

"I was thinking that I could take you guys out for dinner again." Anna considered.

"Nah, I was joking-"

"No, we're going for sushi." Anna pulled out her phone. "Hi, Misaki. Yeah, it's me. Do you have a table for… one, two, three…. fifteen people on Thursday. Yep, that's good." She hung up. "I'm inviting Kristoff too, if you guys don't mind."

"We haven't seen that guy for ages!" Meg protested. "Who needs to bring him?"

Anna reddened. "We sort of have been texting and WhatsApping and Facebook messaging and Insta DMing-"

"I get it. You guys are flirting through all of the social media." Meg deadpanned.

"Yeah." Anna tapped her chin. "I'm thinking of reaching the Skype stage."

Rapunzel looked up from where she was filing her nails. "Ooh, good luck, girl!"

Meg gave her a look. "How do you even know what that is?"

Rapunzel sniffed. "Flynn told me. You just don't want to lose your naive comic relief of a friend, Meg, don't be a bitch."

Merida, who had been sitting quietly on a blue sofa working out businessy economics shit with Milo, doubled over laughing. "Ooh, lookee here." she gloated. "Little Punzie's all grown up and cursing!"

Rapunzel narrowed her eyes and flipped the bird. Merida, Meg and Esmeralda's eyes widened in shock.

"OK, what has Rider done to her?" Esmeralda voiced what they were all thinking.

"Um, guys." Elsa tentatively raised her hand. "He basically made her a glorious hybrid of all of us."

"Plus Vanessa's style." Kida put in. "I was in Photography with both of them and they had the exact same miniskirt."

"Oh shut up." Rapunzel glared. "Just because I've changed a bit…"

"Yeah, it's a bit shocking." Esmeralda said frankly. "But we still love you. Just remember to be yourself."

"K, K. OK. Whatever."

Esme just stuck out her tongue.

"Hey, who wants to help us murder Kuzco?" Meg put in. "I'm murdering that dude, I don't care what you guys feel like doing, but he is a dead one when I get the time, i.e. when I finish this essay-"

"Don't bother with your [beeping] essay!" Merida urged. "Do it anyway. Who needs essays when you can be exacting revenge.

"Hell yeah!" Mulan cheered. "Let's f-ing do it, guys! C'mon! Get Jas and Lottie's asses right over here and we can start! Right away."

"I don't think them two go for that…" Es trailed off.

"Don't care." Mulan said shortly. "C'mon. We'll find 'em. Mer, come!"

"You'll be fine, Milo, won't you!" the Scot said jauntily as she allowed Mulan to pull her out of the room.

"Wh-what? This is your shit! Hey! Kida?"

"No chance, dearest. I need to pay that lil' bitch back as well! We need to find Jas and Lottie." Kida got up and took off in a full-on sprint after her friends.

"Right with ya!" Esmeralda raised a finger as she stood up, dashing after the girl.

"Urgh, who runs. Coming." Meg muttered.

"Come on!" Milo complained.

"Whatever." Elsa looked at it. "I'l help."

"Aw, but guys, I'm bored!" Anna whined. Just as she said that, her bunny phone rang. "Ooh! Gotta take this! Hi. Hi. Kris-" She exited the room, Elsa going 'Ooooooooh!" at her as she left.

* * *

Meg had many things to do.

1\. FINISH YO' ESSAY!

2\. Killing Kuzco was also a pretty urgent thing.

3\. And the ship meetings, of course.

"The Mushang ship meeting has come to order." Aurora used her hand as a gavel to bang on the desk. Meg, Esmeralda, Kida, Anna, Merida, Rapunzel, Milo, Hercules and Philip were all crammed into the same tiny room, planning their Mushang plan.

"'Rora, let's calm down on the formal, we're literally crammed into Herc's room." Philip tried, oh how he tried, not to roll his eyes.

"Yeah, why can't we be in my room? It's bigger. And pink. And blue."

"You wanted to be in here. Because it has a chair." Hercules deadpanned.

"Oh right, I need that chair!" Aurora realised. "Anyway, Much Ado About Nothing. Someone needs to stalk Mulan and find out where she'll be regularly. Some of us then must stage an interaction- preferably the guys- that means you too Philip-" Philip held up his hands. "-and tell each other how much Shang is pining over her. Ditto Shang. I.e, someone needs to stalk Shang, and find out where he'll be regularly. Some of us, preferably-"

"All right we get it!" Meg cut in loudly, holding up a hand to silence the blonde.

"Whatever." Aurora pouted. "Who volunteers for which role?"

"I'll talk around Shang." Kida volunteered.

"Me too!" Kida raised a hand.

"Fine." Meg grumbled. "Es can stalk him."

"I already hooked up with him, and now he'll think I'm weird if I go stalking him over a week after the fact."

"You don't let him know you stalk him, silly!"

"What if he catches me?"

"What-the-ever." Aurora waved a nonchalant hand. "And I can't believe you hooked up with him, that is such a setback."

"I was drunk! And you don't go and kill Flynn and Wasabi for hooking up with Mu- _please don't actually try and murder them too."_

"No, silly!" Aurora said brightly. "Of course not!"

"That won't last long." Philip muttered.

Meg just gave him a pitying look as Aurora fixed her boyfriend with a full-on glare. "I'll get you later." muttered the blonde.

"Idiot." Kida giggled. "Fine. I'll stalk Shang, if Milo helps me. Pleeaasse?"

"Uhhh… I'm not sure if I really"

"Come on!" Aurora complained. "I'm working with amateurs, I tell you. AMATEURS!"

"But…"

"Pleeeeeaassssse?" the pair wheedled.

Milo gave his girlfriend an annoyed stare, and she flashed him a grin. "Fine."

* * *

Meg, Esmeralda, Hercules, Milo, Shang, Mulan, Merida, Kida, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Quasi, Anna and Elsa were all seated around the largest table that the sushi restaurant had to offer.

"Behave you guys." Anna lectured sternly. "Last time the butlers at the Crackle were giving me annoying stares- Kris!" The girl squealed, jumping up, then quickly smoothed down the skirt of her green dress and played with her hair, leading him to the seat next to her.

"Hey Anna." said Kristoff, giving her an awkward smile.

"So much for decorum." Esmeralda snickered. She turned to Elsa. "Who're we waiting for?"

"Um… just Ling now, I think."

Esmeralda's eyes widened in fear, and she brought out her phone to show Meg the 15 missed texts and five missed calls she had. "They're all from Ling." she said in horror. "Shit, crap, dammit- I forgot I may actually have to see the annoying asshole again."

"Slow clap for you." Meg smirked. "Slow claps for Esme, everyone."

"Ssssshhhh!" her friend hissed, hitting her arm. "He's coming! Merida, Quasi, Milo, Kida- would you all just move up one seat. Quick! Quick, quick, quick."

All four gave her weird looks but grudgingly moved over, leaving Ling to sit between Elsa and Hercules (who was very far away from Meg, the Greek girl noted with pleasure), instead of between Quasi and Esme..

Ling sat in his place, while Anna waved the waitress over and ordered expensive sake (weird Japanese rice wine).

"It's so good!" she said excitedly as everyone but Elsa shot her quizzical looks.

"So, Cindy, how are things between you and Charming?" Esme asked politely.

"His name is friggin' Henry, for crying out loud, why does everyone call him Charming, because he's NOT, he's not, he's _NOT-"_

"So I'm guessing you two are off again." Hercules added smoothly, sending a round of laughter around the table. Stupid likeable ass. "Meg, how are you after that whole Grooves thing and the church-"

"Good." Meg said absently. "It's fine, we're all killing him next week. Merida included because otherwise she'd get annoyed."

"That's what I like to hear." he replied. "What about the-OW!" Punzie kicked him.

"What would you like to order for food?" the waitress asked politely, as another waiter poured the rice wine into their glasses.

Everyone froze. They had forgotten about actually picking food. The menus were untouched.

"The Omakase special, fifteen." Anna replied brightly. "And a Miso soup."

"Um, Ankun special, eleven, and Miso Soup, with a side of edamame beans." Elsa rattled off.

"I'll have what she's having." Hercules said next, causing Cinderella and a few others to laugh.

Stupid likeable, funny, actually charming ass.

"The Ankun?" the waitress requested.

"Yeah sure, and Miso soup. I know that one." He raised a finger.

Cindy giggled again. "You're funny."

The rest of them ordered by pointing at things that sounded vaguely appetising, but Anna had assured them that anything would be good.

She was right. It was probably the best sushi Meg had ever tasted, but that wasn't saying much considering that the only sushi she'd eaten before was either at the Yo Sushi back home, or at the dodgy one by the art building on campus. Still. They even had weird condiments instead of just plain old soy sauce.

Yum.

"Enjoying that?" Hercules shouted, gesturing to her plate of assorted sushis, rolls and sashimi. "Was that the Sakura?"

"Ooh, who's classy?" Meg mocked. "I actually have no idea what the hell this is called. It's good though- tuna's my favourite!"

"Take notes, Herc!" called a slightly intoxicated Merida. Elsa had taken the rice wine away from the Scot before anything got too out of hand, but the damage was done.

The pair shot her a glare in perfect sync. Esmeralda nudged Quasi and smirked at him, before the two continued talking.

Meg was determined to carry on a conversation without getting embarrassed. "How're you enjoying your 'what she's having' and 'Miso Soup, I know that one?'" she laughed, steadfastly ignoring the smirks and whoops of Merida, Mulan, Kida, Esme, Rapunzel and even Elsa. Damn them. How much had they told Elsa?

"Right back at ya, Miss I don't know what it is." he retorted. "Seriously though Anna, this is so generous. Thanks so much!"

"Well, fifteen's a crowd, ain't it?" Anna quipped.

Several people smirked, having noticed that throughout she was only focused on one particular member of her 'crowd'. It was left to Elsa to do most of the entertaining.

"Anyway… um, how's your stuff going?" Meg said lamely to Hercules.

"Good, good- better now that I have this sushi!" he shot back. "Erm, um, yeah. Great. Things are great you?" he rattled off.

"Fine." Meg picked at her flaky nail polish. She turned to the smirking Roma next to her. "Es. How are you?"

The little bitch just kept smirking her annoying smirky smile.

Uggghh.


End file.
